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Hi all!

Just wanted your opinion about negotiating or not.

With the upcoming divorce I would like a settlement about allimony and our stuff. Just to get over with it.

I find that it's very hard to negotiate with my stbxw. She has made very extreme demands and doesn't move an inch towards me. She keeps saying I will have to make another offer, but I allready did three times. I did this without arguing, without putting my cards on the table.

What do you think. Should I continue this game, should I stop it or should I use more arguments to make a stronger case?

Has she put an offer to you?

It's near impossible to negotiate, but there are better ways to do it.

Have you read Bill Eddy's Splitting?

What outcome are you hoping for?

The sense of entitlement in my xBPDw was extreme. She demanded the moon and the stars. Even in the end, everybody thought she got way too much, but I was like you in that I wanted it over with.

I am not sure of the details of your relationship, but I had a few aces in my back pocket. I knew some things about her that would devastate her reputation, especially with our children (who are grown), such as her having a one night fling. I never had to threaten to divulge it, but in the back of her mind I think she feared the possibility.

I just approached the settlement like I would a business deal. Their negotiation will be filled with all kinds of emotional arguments. Mine used "I was the mother of your children, so you need to buy me a house."

Your experience will be unique from anybody else here, but what is consistent is having to be stony cold regarding your negotiations to protect your interests.

You've made three attempts and she isn't budging.Stop.Let her know you're willing and able to go to court.

If she tries to negotiate then,don't.Alot of things are settled on the courthouse steps,so to speak.

She's expecting you to do the same as you've always done.Show her it's different this time.

Hi all,

Thanks for your 2cts

I've read Splitting and find it has usefull tips. But I'm still not sure what to do right now. That's probably because I still feel there has to be some reason in my stbx, although the last 10 years I never seen that.

I'm hoping on a fast settlement, without being tied financially to this woman for a long time. I have a few aces in my backpocket also, but wonder if I should show a bit of them allready, or wait untill court.

What kind of aces?

My financial settlement went quickly. Surprisingly so. But then it came time to follow through on some of those issues, and I had to hire a second L (real estate attorney) to make sure N/BPDx didn't interpret things in a way that hurt me. It seems like that's how it goes for many of us. You may get lucky and settle with your ex, but then following through on the settlement you'll discover 1001 ways a person can stay negatively engaged just to keep the conflict alive.

Sorry 

Better to be realistic and plan accordingly.

Thank.

The past few day again showed that there isn't going to be a nice and quiet settlement. She will not move an inch from her extreme demands. Probably her goal is first to make me sweat about it and second to let me make very high costs for legal advise.

Well: the first she will not succeed. I'm annoyed, but can live with it. The second I can't do much about. I know were my savings are going.

My time to stand straight has come. I will not be played with anymore and I will try to get over with the past and therefore will take appropriate legal measures.