BPDFamily.com

After a month of despair... .   I'm finally coming around.  

Short Story: married 3 years to a woman unBPD.  Amazing idealization phase, devaluation phase 3 months in marriage, very little sex, she picked fights with me all the time, wife has massive weight gain, wife had depression and was on 3+ mood/antidepressants.  I decided to divorce her after two years of abuse, anger, and misery.  2 months after divorce she loses all of her weight, looks amazing again, and is dating someone already and has split me black (despite me being very good to her post divorce).  No closure.  In our last face to face meeting she treats me like garbage.  I go through Trauma Bonding, start idealizing and loving her again, sink into deep depression because she can't acknowledge my existence.  

I could not eat - all food tasted bad.  Lost the drive to enjoy life, lost weight, sleepless nights, panic attacks, had horrible thoughts about her having sex with someone new.  A living f**ing nightmare.

But, I'm beating it!  Finally!

Here's how I'm doing it:

1.  Talk to a lot to the opposite sex.  :)oesn't matter if they are attractive or not.  Have deep meaningful conversations with them, no flirting.  Whatever you do, don't sit alone at home.    

2.  Write out a list of the 10 things you hated about your exBPD and put it on your refrigerator.  Constantly remind yourself of their crappy/disrespectful behavior.  If you still have photos of them, find the unflattering ugly ones and put those on your refrigerator too.  Program yourself to really dislike this person.

3.  Get active.  Exercise.  I know it's tough to do, but ask someone to join you.  Keep your mind and body constantly racing and occupied.  Find things to do on weekends and just do it.  DON'T SIT AT HOME. DON'T SIT AT HOME.  If someone asks you to do something with them... .   DO NOT TURN IT DOWN.

4.  Reach out to family or close friends.   Talk their ears off.

5.  NO CONTACT.  You'll start the process over again and never get out.

6.  Pound it into your head that your life will always be better than theirs.  Tell yourself over and over again that your exBPD is garbage and will fail in everything they do.  Every relationship they have after you will FAIL MISERABLY.  You did nothing wrong, they just suck.  

7.  So many other fish in the sea - so many better than the train wreck you were with.  Realize that you were the best they could do and they'll never get you back!  I am infinitely better looking than every guy she was ever with and I'm laughing because she had her one opportunity and she BLEW IT! HAHAHA.

8.  Stay off this site for a few weeks.  A lot of the stories on this site will just remind you of the exBPD.   Play Tetris or something.

9.  The sex they will have with someone else will never be as good as was with you.  Ever.  The reason?  You have emotions, empathy, passion.  They don't, and their new partner most likely won't have the same passion that you had.  In fact, your next sexual partner will probably be the best you'll ever had because they won't be suffering from some mental illness and they'll honestly love you more than your ex ever did.  Sex with your exBPD will always be dead and lifeless, because they had no emotional substance to begin with.

10.  NO CONTACT.  Again.  Paint them black and inflict their own pain on them!  Karma, b*tches!

I love this post. Once healing/T have done thier bit, WINNING can be a healthy mindset to adopt. Recovery SHOULD be more focused on building massive amounts of self esteem (inwardly, through telling yourself how awesome you are and how much they suck repeatedly). Feeling sympathetic to your ex is overrated.

I can dig it.

Nicely done, expos! :)  Do whatever it takes to get over it.

I do think my exgf did terrible things and I'm no longer attached to the idea that she is innately 'good' but did some bad decisions. She just has no control over her libido. She is a walking libido unaware itself. A starving primal animal trying to survive. She'll have endless meaningless sex and I can care less. She can be with a stud or a porn star and in no way will that measure my worth. They can have sex til the end of eternity and I can be alone. I have no problem with that because I want to save myself for a meaningful relationship with a girl that would ACTUALLY love me for who I REALLY am and is a complimentary person to me. I'm no longer interested in lust and crazy sex. I'm soo done with the bad side of human nature. Better move to a good relationship than end up emasculatedly (word?) impotent.

I do still come to this site every now and then but I don't think its for HER in particular but more to explore the relationship and what I put up with. What it meant to me and what I can learn about my FOO. I'm still uncovering and man is it frighteningly exciting!