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I thought I had an emotionally mature, tolerant, open-minded, kind, compassionate, loyal, trustworthy girl.  Somebody who would always put me first, as she loved me so much.

What I really had was somebody who faked most of these qualities.

Regardless of whether she intended the final outcome (I don't think she ever planned on it), I now realise she was:

Selfish, putting her needs before my own, leaving me sobbing and debt-ridden when she left and moved in with her new partner

Disloyal - at the end she thought in terms of herself and what her new girl would want, rather than thinking of "us" - which included me, her fiancee.

Emotionally immature - running away from the problems

Liar - so many small lies I have now uncovered... .  

This honestly chills me to the bone.

How could I have got it all SO wrong?

It feels like I have been sharing my life and my bed with a wolf dressed in sheep's clothing... .  

And it honestly frightens me.

I know how you feel. My g/f was soo loving and I thought she was the sweetest thing on this earth. I was so wrong. It was just a mask. I took our kids and left back in Dec 2012 due so much conflict and turmoil going on in the house . I have been trying to get back together with her since then also but now I find out  in Mar 2013 that not only does she have a new b/f but they are getting engaged this month and married in Sept ! according to her.

I'm an seeking help for dealing with all of this and I suggest you do the same if some of it seems overwhelming .

I also think it may help to read all you can about BPD . It will help you understand what/who you are dealing with ... .   and that is a person that suffered some trauma at an early age and is doing all then can to cope.

Hi Nak -  *welcome*

I've done soo much reading on BPD that my brain is going to explode!   lol

I kind of understand a lot of it, on a gut level at least, but it still freaks me out in many ways... .   the fact that what I thought was so real may not have been, even though at the time it was... .   I can't quite get my head around that bit!   

Hey mango-flower! Im sorry for u. But keep in mind many people are like that, liars, self-centered and completly selfish. We all have been there, we all got in a relationship with somebody who was either a drug-addict (I did, very manipulative type!) or just had some other PD. We were naive or just nice and didnt see it coming. Forgive yourself and dont repeat the same mistake. :)

Nak, I think you shouldnt take for grant the child abuse. BPDs lie a lot, especially to look like victims and then manipulate you some more. Start doubting all you heard from her. In my experience, in my own family, I have heard BPDs telling stories abt their childhood that were not true at all. But they made them very beliavable for outsiders.

Mango Flower:

I felt sorry for my exgf for a long time knowing she struggles with her mind in trying to preserve me as a 'good' person. The more I read and the more I reflected back and thought about her perspective on things the more I understood that I don't understand much about this person. She mimicked me in mannerisms, hobbies and habits just like she did with the man before me and probably the man after. She is a chameleon and an empty person who lies and tries to be accepted by everyone. She wanted me there by her to show all that she is not crazy and has a boyfriend who is a 'catch'. NOTHING personal to me.

This girl is a narcissist and is not too far from being mistaken for a sociopath. Reflecting back on how I was treated so brutally without remorse... .   she scares the hell out of me. I want her out of my life. 

These nuances are educational. These are not listed in the DSM-IV but I'm starting to see commonalities in BPD that I thought were unique to my BPD g/f. She mimicked my mannerisms to the kids and took after my interests as long as things were going well between us. I've caught her lying many times and it hurts.

were you seduced ? i fell quickly for my BPD g/f . And those damn rose colored glasses made me view her as a victim for a long time. B/c of this I always forgave her and never considered holding her responsible for her situation. Each time I tried to hold her responsible for her awful decisions the blame was always shifted to me.

She's my ultimate seductress. After she dumped me and almost instantly while with another man (for a 5 month relationship) she invited me over to her place and starts changing clothes and asking me which lingerie she should put on for going out. This is DURING her relationship with the other guy that she planned on marrying! I was an angel and didn't make any moves. But you ask if she seduced me? Oh yea! Poor girl was always the victim.