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Well DD and I went to our first DBT group session this week.  She has done DBT about a year and a half ago for 6 months and then decided she wasn't doing this "bull... .   t" anymore.  About 4 weeks ago after being diagnosed with bipolar she decided she wanted to go back to therapy and group.  Therapy has been going well and she is not resistant to going at all, actually she usually reminds me in the morning.  I was very nervous about group and how she would feel about it and praying she would stick with it.  On the way there she expressed to me that she was nervous about going, she hated being the new person, what if she didn't like the other kids? I told her not to worry and let's just see how it goes.

Group went well and she even participated right off the bat. We have the same group leaders as we did last time, who we both really really like, so that was good and I could tell right away by her body language that she liked the kids.  On the way home I said well that was nice and she said yea except for I feel like the poster child for DBT failure.  So I asked her what that meant.  She said, " I feel like, look at me guys if you don't get this right the first time you just end up back here again so you better not waste your time screwing up" I said to her, "Oh you shouldn't feel that way, that's not the truth"  Her answer, (in a very joking tone)," well now mom that was not very validating... .   did you learn nothing in the past hour and a half".  We had a good laugh at that one and I rephrased it in a much more DBT fashion.

She told me that she feels that she is in a better place for DBT now, that she is ready (of course she had to add that if I would have listened to her last time when she didn't want to go and I didn't force her I would have saved alot of money) but that's okay.  I am focusing on now.  I pray that she is in a good place and ready to participate in making her life better.

Last night DH and I had a quiet evening alone and since he is unable to participate in group I told him that I thought it would be a good idea for us to sit down once a week with my book and I could review with him what we were learning. He was very receptive to this and so we did.  We reviewed the module we are in which is [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation)[/b][/url] and he really listened.  When we were finished he told me that he and DD had a disagreement that morning and now he realized how invalidating he was and that he had done it all wrong. We talked about different ways he could have handled the conversation and he is worried that he "won't be good at this" but I assured him with practice he would and I encouraged him to practice [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation)[/b][/url] not only with DD but with everyone in his life and that if he did it enough it would start to feel very natural.

So last night when we were ready to go to bed the dog started whinning because he wanted to go out and DH said to him, "It sounds to me like you feel like you might need to go outside, if I let you out do you think you might feel better" he then looked at me and said "how was that".  We had a really good laugh and I told him I thought he was wonderful at it.

Griz

Wonderful!  Your prayers are being answered.

:)

Smiling after reading your post, Griz. I love learning and growth!

Well I went from tears of joy to laughing my butt off! Very up lifting post. I can't tell you how happy I am for you all. Keep us posted... .   your dd is making some huge steps right now and so are all of you. Could not be happier... .    

Oh griz,

How wonderful to hear your good news!  So much change in everyone.

Reality

Griz - such a wonderful start in group and with dh. Thanks for the update. qcr  

Griz,

this is great!  |iiii Wonderful news!

Our male counterparts often have a hard time understanding and getting the hang of validating, but on the other hand I found out that they are often SO GREAT at making us laugh and making the world all better for it!

Yay for our dear husbands and partners  |iiii

Thank you all so much for your support in both my weak and strong moments.  You have all become so important in my life.  Thank you, thank you, thank you... .   for always being there.

Griz

just found you and your news Griz... .   oh so good  :)

Aren't we lucky? ok, I know that sounds so Pollyanna ish, but to have a beautiful child and a family working towards healing... .   it is heart warming.

Tell your dh I think he's marvellous! and give the dog a big cuddle for me too. Ok, you can have one   and your dd gets my love long distance   

Vivek    

(with tears in eyes and smile on face)

That's so inspiring, for all of you and for us. :)

green with envy

Keep posting as your family leaps continue as my hope.

GRIZ

This I amazing progress! For all of you. I'm so happy to hear your d is on board with DBT. I hope the positive changes keep coming your way!

AV

Thank you for a great laugh Griz.  I needed it.  I’m copying this and giving it to my wife.  She’s struggling with the validation thing. She’s holding too much resentment.

Glad to see some progress with dd and DH.

Griz,

I guess it is true, that when the student is willing, the teacher appears.  When I read your post, the image of Hope was so strong.

mik

Thank you all.  Yes I am hopeful as DD is continuing to go to therapy and group but there is always that part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I keep trying to use my DBT skills and be mindful and in the moment and the small lightening of my load has allowed me to get back to writing my novel.  When I am feeling low, I still visit my bookstore.

Thank you for all of your support.

Griz

Dear griz,

So happy that you are writing and visiting your bookstore. 

Reality