BPDFamily.com

Hey all, joined 2 days ago so this is the first time I can ask questions to people who actually understand what I've been through.

I'm wondering if actually being with a healthy non person who genuinely cared for them actually scared them even more than being with a typical douchebag? Is this some sort of trigger for them? Is this something so completely foreign to them? And why do they fall madly in love with a guy who treats them like a piece of meat who uses them for sex? . I'd greatly appreciate any insight on this! Thank you all    

BPD's are not scared in the sense of 'being scared' for a loving/caring person. They seek what they need in order to fill their void. They might fall for 'bad guys' because they show a specific attitude on which they can cling on, but BPDers are also known to 'switch' suddenly. As you might now think he or she went for a guy who treats them like garbage that after this one, she might go for a priest and turn Christian as they are the master of mimicking/projection.

I'm still fairly new, too but I can tell you a little about my experience and it may help. My uBPDh said when we first began our r/s that I "balanced" him because I was more empathetic and sensitive. However, now several years later he actually told a therapist that he expected me to handle ALL of the emotions and "touchy feely" stuff. Ironically, at the same time he hates me for being so sensitive and is upset that I can't handle ALL of it for him -what human can? My point is that, in the beginning, he appreciated my love and patience that came with being so caring but now resents me for the very same traits. He wants me to be caring enough for both of us so he can just be an insensitive jerk but then is upset that my loving him so much also comes with feelings of hurt when he is so insensitive. It's a catch-22 that he has created and, I'm learning, very common with BPD sufferers.

There are TONS of great lessons and articles on this site. Read as much as you can - it will help IMMENSELY!