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In the following days he split a lot and I was worn out. So, I send him a very long message text (using his favourite way to communicate and in some way behaving like a BPD myself…) and expressed my feelings, inviting him to change his attitude towards me, if he wanted to remain part of my life. This time it was him who got shocked. Four hours of texting, no way to find a way to communicate or have a dialogue with him. He didn’t answer to the questions I posed about his behaviour, he didn’t try to talk about the things I was blaming to him (“he had no time for it, as this stuff had no relevance for his life”), he just went on accusing our friends of having worked to destroy our relationship. He also claimed he couldn’t be my fiancé, that he had beguiled me about the importance of our relationship. And when I asked him, if these was true, why did he invite me to go and stay with him the last time, he answered that at that point he hadn’t realized it yet, but what happened at the birthday party had prompted this decision. Than he began to say that I was being very rude to him, because I was keeping him texting and he was fed up with it. As a matter of fact, he was the one who was going on texting, asking for future friendship, telling he wanted to say goodbye properly but I didn’t let him to do so and, in the end, saying that he was willing to save all he could of our relationship, but my rudeness had prevented him from it and now “he needed some more time before being available again”.  I answered that I really loved him, that I wasn’t looking for a break up, I only wanted to express my feelings and trying to fix our relationship, but, as he had told me that he had beguiled me about the importance of the relationship, I realized that there wasn’t such possibility. But, in spite of that, I was detaching with love and not with hate. The following morning, after work, I found a Facebook mail,  from an “unknown user”, telling he was going to send me back all the stuff I have gave him as presents, because he didn’t want to own anything which could remind him of my existence, and he needed my address, ‘cause he couldn’t remember it. I texted him by whatsapp and told him I didn’t want anything back, because all my gifts to him had been made with love and of that love were a symbol and that I still loved him, even if he wasn’t able to understand it. I added I had seen he had blocked me on Facebook and, even if I could find no reason for it, I would accept it. He texted me back telling me that he hasn’t blocked me, he had just deactivated his Fb account because he didn’t want to keep in touch with such bad people as our friends were and began to write insulting words, to say that he hated me and that he was going to block me on Whatsapp. I gave up answering back and he texted me on the phone some hours after, informing that he was going to send me my stuff back at school and asking if the address was the right one. As it wasn’t, I told him and added that that was unnecessarily, that he could do all that he want with that stuff, keep it or not, but I definitely didn’t want it back. I had given him those things with all my love. More insults on his part and I stopped texting him back. It was Wednesday. On Saturday people began to make questions about his absence from Facebook (that is to say, from his life, as he lived to post in there). As far as I am concerned, I don’t know if it was only a temporary phase, but the prevalent emotion in that days was relief. On Sunday afternoon he texted me telling that he was going to phone me at night, as soon as he went back to his hotel after work (he was commenting a sport event somewhere in Southern Italy). As I knew that he always takes a room in a hotel on the way back home, I thought he would call about ten o’clock and I was still trying to decide what to do when he texted me to ask for permission to call at half past eight. And I was so stupid to answer yes... .   He called saying that he was looking for a closure and then, in five minutes, he wanted a make-up. We talked for about an hour, about what had happened, about the things I had said to HIM (but he just seemed not to understand when I talked about the things that HE said to ME) and told me that, due to the way I hade behaved, he had interrupted every contact with the world for three days, not answering to text, calls, staying home and feeling very bad. As ever, it was always my fault… or someone’s else. Than we talked about our relationship, about what we wanted and thought about it. It seemed that we loved each other and we were willing to go on and fix it. I wasn’t sure I had made the right thing, but I loved him and simply could do nothing else. I tried to convince me I was going to manage it. In the following days it was all quite ok, a part for some sporadic sudden splitting as, for example, sending me good morning and goodnight text one day and telling me, the following day, after receiving mine that “everyday good mornings and good nights made he feel uneasy”. I tried to ignore it and go on. The next Friday I received a mail from his exGF. To cut a story short, she was writing “to fix things with me, because SHE couldn’t tolerate tensions and misunderstandings and as we shared a good friend, even if with different aims and roles, she wanted to have a good relationship with me”. I was quite puzzled and I didn’t know how to react, because I didn’t like her and I wasn’t sure she was to be trusted but, anyway, I decided to write her back. She had told me she would have liked to have some sort of kind interaction on Facebook as we did before, because SHE felt uneasy feeling my coldness when we “met” in our mutual friends’ walls. I wrote her what I thought a very “balanced” mail, trying to remain quite neutral and agreeing to make friends again on Facebook, but sending her a message of polite distance and expressing some of what I considered the crucial points of the situation with polite words. She seemed very enthusiastic (too much, as always) and reassured me about her relationship with my BF. I still couldn’t trust her completely, as I was sure she was in love with my BF, but I thought she couldn’t be so mean to write and lie about the real nature of their relationship (how silly I was…).

In the meantime, he had asked me to go and stay with him two days in a place just 50 miles from here and 80 from his hometown, where he was going to comment a hockey match. I said ok, as I had two days off because of a school holiday and let him arrange it. I was a bit nervous, ‘cause I’d learned that every time I go back home after spending some time with him, he got some kind of crisis. But, on the other hand, I was also very happy to stay with him. It was the first time we were meeting in a month, after two break-ups and I really couldn’t have ever imagined what was going to happen. He came and fetch me at the train station, ten minutes to our hotel by car. We had decided to check in, left our baggage and go to eat something around. During the car trip, he told me he had noticed that me and his ex were friends again, on Facebook, and I told him that it was correct, as she had written an e-mail in order to make re-establish a relationship and he said nothing. We arrived at the hotel, checked in and when we got to our room,  he said: “well, now that things between you and her are ok, I can go and have a coffee with her without you to raise any objections, can’t I?” As I had never raised objections of that kind, I told him that as for me he could go and have coffee with anyone. So he added: “well, have coffee, taking a walk, make a journey…”. Journeys? I believed I hadn’t heard it properly and asked him to confirm “make a JOURNEY?”  So he answered, “yes, on the next weekend I’m going to take her with me to (name of the places) where I’m going to comment volleyball for the major league”. I still couldn’t believe it! I was shocked! He added that, as a matter of fact, he had to go somewhere else, that is to say, to the place where she had been living for seven years, so she had asked him to let her go with him in order to see her friends. And that she had made this proposal during the period in which we broke up ( five days, three of which he claimed he had disconnected from the whole world, while in the last one we made it up). And that they were just friends, so I shouldn’t worry at all. It was a sort of nightmare. The first words he had told me after two breaks-up and an absence of one month were that he was going to take his ex with him for a three-days- journey! I knew I should have gone away leaving him alone in the hotel, but I couldn’t. I was stuck in there. I just uttered some sentences like “ do you want me to believe that you are going to sleep in different rooms?” He said “sure” and added that, moreover, even if they shared the room, “there was no sex between the two of them, so there would have been no problem at all”. I was astonished. I asked “why are you telling me this when you could go without saying a word about it? He replied that he was telling it just because there was nothing to hide, because they were going together as friends, I tried to let him see the situation from my point of view, I told him that I really couldn’t understand their close friendship, as she was his ex GF of 5 months and not of 5 years and she had told everyone that she had been terribly hurt by him, to the point to remain no contact for months, that he needed a psychiatrist, he was sex addict and so on, so I couldn’t figure it out. He answered that people were different and as they were good friends during their time together, they were becoming even more now. No way out. No way to communicate. Simply, I should have left the hotel and go back home. I didn’t. But now I had a very deep burden on my heart. We went out, had lunch, talked a lot about us, but inside I was desperate. And furious, also.  At some point we talked about the “good morning and good night stuff” and he told me that “speaking with a friend (a female friend), that person had warned him that “by texting a woman for good morning and good night every single day she could be beguiled about the relationship”. I stared at him and said harshly that either his ex was crazy or he had given her wrong information about our relationship, because normal people generally don’t tell friends they shouldn’t text their GF o BF everyday. He told me that I was wrong, that it wasn’t his ex who had been saying those things. I told him I wasn’t a fool and I was sure it was her.  He argued that, instead, it could have been one of his sisters, for example, or another friend. What a stupid liar! I was very puzzled, wondering what the hell had he told her about us, as I couldn’t believe that someone could behave like she was doing with the only  purpose to do harm. We went on talking and talking about us but, as ever, he was really inconsistent when he had to say exactly what he wanted from our relationship so that, being furious, I told him that at the moment I could feel no bond to him, as we had stopped sharing since months now. He got mad at it, how did I dare to say such a nasty thing to him? I had to reassure him about my feelings and only then he calmed down and we had some good time (an absurd situation, I can see it clearly now. How could I stay there after what I had been told about his journey with his exGF? Well, I think that BPD spreads waves of insanity all around…). We agreed that our relationship was important, that it was a matter of mutual feelings and not just of having good sex and that we should cooperate to make it work properly. I was really confused, but I still hoped I could mend it, that I could convince him that what he was demanding from me was unbearable, that no woman could tolerate such a situation. We were having a cup of coffee in a bar when he informed me he had just received an e-mail from the hotel where he was going to stay with his exGf, reporting that the booking was ok. It was the same one in which we had spent the night twice, as before I was the one who accompanied him in his work-trips… And it hurt. I told him that all this stuff was literally going to derange me. He stared at me, that, with a sad voice said,  “ok, I’ll call and tell her that she has to give up her project because YOU are very upset and doesn’t approve it”. Typical, as you know. They never take their responsibilities. I answered that the point was not that she had to give up because I was upset and he couldn’t put things in that way. As it could be expected, he used my words to do exactly what he meant to do, that is to say, nothing. For the rest of the time, that day, he was as caring and loving as he mostly was when we spent time together. And I was so confused… I felt very angry, inside. The following day he was going to leave after lunch (too much time to spend with me to stay till night…) and we went sightseeing. A friend called him and he spoke about the volleyball matches he was going to comment and what a wonderful opportunity would be for anyone to have the possibility to be there. So, I got an idea and as soon as he hung up, I told him that I was going to go with them. At the beginning, as this was completely unexpected, he agreed. I thought I had found a good strategy. And I also tried to convince myself that if he agreed, this meant that he was sincere about his relationship with his ex. We had a walk and than decided to go and have a cup of coffee. We were sitting in a bar when I decided to prove if my strategy was right and told him that we needed to arrange things for the journey, as I was coming along. He made a face and answered that, as a matter of fact, it didn’t sounded as a good idea to him. I asked him why and he told me that it was embarrassing, because the two of us would share the room in her presence. I argued that if they were just friends, she wouldn’t mind. So he looked for another excuse, I made my objection and he found another thing. About ten times… At some point he told me that he couldn’t understand the reason why I was so stubborn and I wanted to impose my presence at all costs. I was going to leave him there and go away, but in the end I hadn’t enough courage to do it. There was no way to make him see my perspective. It was all a matter of what HE wanted. I told him that I had doubts about what version of our relationship he had been given to his exGF and he swore that she perfectly knew I was his GF and she was just a friend. I told him we could call her and have a chat about that, but he refused to do it, claiming it would be an unpleasant thing to do. He was beginning to feel sick ( as a matter of fact, he got some virus and when he arrived at home he had fever) so he had no lunch and I had only a sandwich, than we had another walk before going back to the train station. [it continues]