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Yeah, I know that this is the idealization phase, and it will pass. But, man is it tough to see. Before I finally blocked her on FB and Instagram yesterday for good, I saw that she's using some of the same phrases she did with me with him, and now suddenly "likes" his favorite baseball team, TV show, even comic books. It's nuts, but I guess it's just more proof that this is a disordered person.

Hi mtmc01 - see that you put the 'happy' in inverted commas which is a good thing.  You recognise that it's doubtful that it's real.

It is really tough to be still in the depths of despair whilst they are out living life to the full seemingly unaffected but it does validate you in the sense that it reinforces that they are not behaving in a healthy way.  healthy people grieve a serious relationship.

Well mtcm01 ... . your healing has just begun! Seriously, from this point onwards, it can only get better. You've started and initialized NC, and from now the healing can begin!

It's a process, but eventually you can get there if you want to. My ex is so toxic towards me I'm NC with him. Blocked him and those around him on Facebook a long time ago. So what you don't know can't hurt you.

Also time does heal. Being out of the drama and abuse is far better than being replaced was hurtful. Now, I just want them to get on with their lives and let me get on with mine. Their happiness or lack of happiness simply is not my concern. Building a new life from the ashes of years of abuse and making my own happiness is my concern and the best channel for my energy. That does no preclude my being kind and concerned for others in my life or in the world in general. On general principle I forgive any wrong I've felt my ex and his current wife did me and wish them well. I sincerely do it for my own peace of mind. Any credit the universe might give me for it comes second.

mtmc01,

I can definitely relate.  Within weeks after my exuBPDgf started dating my replacement, she liked the same pro football team, drinks, and news articles!  It was really amazing to learn just how she had changed from the person I thought I knew so well.  It's been about 8 months since she dumped me, and I'm still amazed at the kind of person she is today versus who I thought she was when we were together for 4.5 years.

I'm still working to accept that she really is disordered.  She is very high functioning and very few would ever suspect that she has the characteristics of a pwBPD, but they come out eventually.

Hang in there.  This board has been a life saver for me.

C&H

C&H - is she still with that same replacement now?

Mtmc01 - I know that pain!  Seriously!  It is like a knife plunging into your chest... .   it hurts and makes you feel not good enough - but we have to remember, they're just looping the same old script... .  

Remember, this was never about you - it is all about HER.

What you see on social media is not real-life, it is the highlight reel!

Lots of people were shocked when I left my ex with BPD because they saw all the happy facebook posts.  Meanwhile I was living in hell for a long-time!