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It probably is a good thing because the level of stress has been unbearable.  He said he didn't want to marry me.  I'm not all that sad about it~~in fact I kind of expected it.  We each put a "save the date" event on our facebook pages and I'm not sure whether he has canceled his yet or not.  I've not canceled mine since he said what he did late at night when he'd had a few beers... .   we'll see.

Hi Rockylove,

Hope you're feeling ok.  When we were planning the wedding (4.5 months of it), he said so many times that he's calling off the wedding.

The stress was terrible.  And it got worse after we got married, but that was before I learn about BPD.  Then I came here, and in a sense it's better now, although not compeltely, of course- it will never be.

Just want to let you know I've experienced this and it's not easy.  But there is nothing we can do about it- if it happens, it happens.  Hope you're not stressing too much about it.

Thanks, Chosen.  I've not really talked to him about it.  I had posted a "save the date" on FB and I've canceled that.  I also told the people that don't have FB that we've canceled our plans.  I'm not offering much explanation other than it's just too stressful right now with the renovation project still in the works. 

Reality is that I never expected him to follow through... .   I never even expected him to ask me in the first place.  I'm not hurt by it, although I believe it was his intention to be hurtful when he said it.  It was kinda fun to think about dressing up and playing queen for a day, but I'm ok not doing that if it means he's going to get dysregulated and make my life miserable!  LOL 

He has this idea that he'll have the responsibility of "taking care of me" if we get married.  He retired early because the stress of work was killing him (literally) and the money thing is now stressing him.  I'd rather take the stressor of thinking he has to take care of me out of the equation and be in a happier place emotionally.  It's better for both of us.