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So, I guess I survived the non wedding day yesterday. My ex fiancé who decided the week of our cancelled wedding to create a couple of dating profiles, most likely spent the weekend and the day on “dates”. I chose a different plan and path. I went to the place we were to be married, it was outdoors and I wanted to see how the place would have looked that day. I finished a journal I had been working on, prayed there and then rode 20 miles on my bicycle. It wasn’t a good day, not a bad day, just a day.

My mind did replay memories and visions of her; of the dating profiles where she used pictures I had taken of her (one with her engagement ring on) so there was a fair amount of pain yesterday. But, in the end, the day passed, no one died. There were some tears and regret and mourning what could have been so easy and simple. Mourning a dead dream.

Today though, I have some satisfaction in the thought that my NC with her as well as what was most likely another failed relationship on her part (the one she “followed her heart” to) when she broke us up, drove her to a level of desperate loneliness to force her to go online to hunt her next target, will eventually take her one step closer to maybe, just maybe, see her life and the perpetual train wreck it has been since she was 15 and at last become real and seek something other than what she has always sought.

If that is the case, then the pain for me will have a purpose and I can have some peace knowing I was just a part of a bigger picture.

I cried when i read your post.  I think what you did the day of your "non wedding" was very therapeutic for you.  I don't hear bitterness of your part.  Just sadness radiating through your words. 

I can relate to the picture things.  After we broke up, my ex took some pictures we took together with the expensive camera i bought for both of us and posted them on facebook.  We were both into photography and we were at first into taking pictures of flowers.  He posted those flower pictures and wished all his facebook friends a happy first day of spring saying he took those photos last year.  Yeah, he took those pictures with me as we kissed and laughed... .   I remember the day very well.  It made me sad.

He has added at least 30 new female Facebook friends.  I'm sure he is trying to impress his new "girlfriends".  I can only imagine whats going on behind the scenes of his facebook wall. 

It's not my problem anymore.  I've since blocked facebook.  I'm trying to let go. 

Good luck to you theboro504.  I understand your pain... .    

I deactivated facebook first thing since she is quite a fb junkie. No great loss actually. I really don't care to know who had a blt for breakfast anyway.

I suspected she would eventually show up on the dating sites so I made a bare bones fake account and would check it every so often. Wednesday she finally showed up. I sorted the list on newest members and hers was the first one listed so I suspect she did it tuesday night. I must say though it did surprise me her main photo was one I took at christmas and shows her ring. That kinda stung. One of her others I took of her when we were out one day taking pictures. No class. Nor ethics. No remorse. Possibly even a sick sense of revenge in her for using them. Who knows. I'm sure true love awaits her in her mailbox soon.

Too funny... .   I also activated a fake account to monitor the dating sites.  I am curious how long my ex will go until he gets serious.  He probably is too vain to think he needs a dating site though.  He told me last time he tried to recycle me that his friends are trying to hook him up with friends to date and he is going out regularly with friends so it's just a matter of time I guess.

And here I sit feeling sorry for myself and not being able to readily move forward due to the grieving process in place.  Just doesn't seem fair, does it?

That's because it isn't fair; but it's right. Doing the right thing can be painful but will produce something. Doing what is easy only produces the same old thing. I'm not a bad looking fella I don't think and could have lots of dates, I am choosing to do what I know is right. Watching her take the desperate, easy route strengthens me to keep doing what is hard. My way will pay off, her way just teaches her 16 year old daughter how to man cycle and keeps her toxic. I like my way better even if its lonely. For now.

You are correct in that we are doing the "right" thing.  I did toy with the idea of staying with my ex only because I knew it would be easier... .   but friends helped me to see that doing the easy thing wasn't the right thing. 

I'm not a bad looking female either and I'm sure I will easily transition into the dating scene when I'm ready BUT  after looking at some of the guys on the dating site my age, I'm almost tempted to take my ex back... .   seriously depressing.  That's probably not a fair thing to say in that most men in general turn me off right now since I'm not ready for guys but it definitely makes me appreciate just how good my ex truly does look for his age.  Oh well... .  

I don't know your ages but I'm quite sure he isn't the only one and maybe there is one or two who aren't also crazy and maybe even appreciative. You will be better at that time and you will know when.