BPDFamily.com

After 2.5 years, my exBPD gf dumped me as soon as she found someone else new. SHe has never been alone in her life and has gone form r/s to r/s - SHe is soon 56!

I have been seeing different therapists in these 2,5 years since the break up. I have been in other r/s but cannot get over her. And yet she was so mean and jealous and angry etc.

She contacts me here and there and every time she break up with her current gf, (the same one still since she broke up with me).

I always feel like the other woman must be so fantastic that she keeps on going back to her - and I still love and watch that r/s from a distance. I am jealous because I know how good it can be with her - and I wonder how that woman is able to keep her still despite the terrible fights and why did she not continue coming  back to me.

My life was magic with her when it was good and I don't have any magic anymore with any of the other r/s. I feel like I am settling with those I date. And the woman I love is with someone else.

I have moved from living just a few minutes away from her to living with a new gf. The new one loves me and is good to me- and all I wish for is to reconnect with the other one. These years of terrible devastating pain have been for nothing if I am not able to move forward. ANd I can't. I spend thousands of dollars calling psychics for a few minutes of feeling better.

Sorry for being so down. A few weeks ago she called me to tell me they were done and now I know they are back together- so that is what is killing me now.  Will I ever get over this?

Sorry you are hurting so much - I do have a very important question for you - do you actually WANT to get over this?

That is a very good question. I think I am attached to the pain because it keeps me close to her, in some weird way.

I hear and feel your pain, and I am sorry you are hurting so bad.  That sound really crappy.  :)o you think NC would help your situation?  In other words, when she tries to contact you, just don't take the call.  Also, you said she was mean and angry and jealous.  :)o you think you would really be happy long term with someone like that?  :)o you think she will ever change?  :)o you think she is capable of showing you real love without therapy on her part?  :)o you want to always be her back up?  Because I'm sure she will probably let you.  

If she has BPD, she has a problem with intimate relationships.  That will not change unless she reaches out for help. What kind of relationship do you want?  I realize I asked a lot of questions, but I'm trying to shine some reality on to the fantasy.  It sounds like you are fantasizing.  I know, because I do the same thing and these same questions are for me.  I hope you feel some relief soon.  People on this site do care.   :)

probably a good guess on that.

The fact is, you probably know what you need to do to get over her, right?

SFgirl, I'm really sorry you are feeling this way!  If you are attached to the pain, what does that mean?  I want to grow, have insight, and move forward, but I do sometimes fear I will never get over my husband.  I begin to have regrets and doubts about leaving... .   such a melancholy feeling.

I'm scared, I guess, that I'll be alone or settle for someone who doesn't have his good traits (humor, affection, intellect, etc.).  I don't know... .   down kind of Monday here too.

SB -- how do we let go and move forward?  I'm having moments of regret and focusing on all that was good.  I feel uncomfortable with having such an uncertain future.