BPDFamily.com

Yesterday I was randomly sent an email by my ex.

It stated that she had a dream that night involving me and our son, that she feared was a reoccurring nightmare. She then said she didn't expect a response, but wanted me to know that I truly am loved and missed.

I'm struggling to figure out what to make of it, if I should make anything.

The prior day I had texted her a video of myself for my son, in which I was just saying hello to him and telling him that I love and miss him, as I was getting on a chopper here in Afghanistan.

Was it just her seeing that that prompted her dream and then texting me? I have been NC with her for 2 months or more, for anything other than our son.

As much as I know she doesn't love me, else she wouldn't have left me for someone else while I'm here, I found it a little comforting, and honestly woke up the next day feeling much clearer in my thought process, and a good deal less depressed. I can't figure out why though.

What do I make of this? Do I ignore it? Is she just trying to suck me back in for supply?

Any feedback and or info is greatly appreciated.

Hi LMNO

I can understand your confusion. I can imagine that she can allow some feelings toward you, knowing you are far away and she in a new relationship. BPD is a disorder infecting the interpersonal rs.

I would accept the positive part of it, I mean, you have a son together. So staying NC is anyway no option.

Do you know the LESSONS of the Staying board? Lessons for members who are staying in their relationships (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0).

I would recommend you to read sometimes there. It helps you to understand more about BPD and perhaps it helps you to keep a wise distance and a controlled contact. The rs with your son can benefit from it.

Yes, it is possible too that her message is a attempt for sucking you back. Should this be, it is up to stand your ground. We can support you with this.

 First off, I want to Thank-You for serving.  And yes Bro, they are only BPD breadcrumbs. I can relate to what you are going through now. You see,  my first girl was also several years older when I met her at eighteen years old. There also was drinking and drugs involved, she was an alcoholic also, but we had no kids. She fooled around on me, like yours, deny, emotionally abuse me, we'd fight, separate, she'd call, and we'd get back together, and she'd flirt, or fool around again. After seven years of this, when I was away on business, she went to bar, fell in love in one night, and it lasted three years. In the meantime, she'd still call or write to me every few months or so, saying she still loved, and missed me, and I would eat the crumbs, but then she'd take up with someone else again. We have become hardwired to trauma bond with them. But believe me Bro, you will break this addiction in time. I have, along with the thousands of others who came and left this board. Just think of being a good role model for your son, because in time, he will figure it all out too, keep writing in your journal, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, and in time, you will find a better woman, believe me, because you are learning alot here. It took me alot of learning, and another several years, and a good woman, before I finially broke the addiction to her

its my guess she just keeping the door open a little. Mine did that on a few breaks up back. She broke up with me, pushed me away, refused to speak to me when I tried to call her. She line up a date and probabley was working on it prior to the break up if the truth be known. The night before she went out with him she called me, drunk and professing her love for me and telling how much she missed me. we talked for a long while. The next morning she calls and starts talking again. I asked so we are getting back together. She said, what makes you think that? I reminded her about the phone call. She said Oh, I was drunk i ment all that but I dont want back with you. The next day she went out with another man. It must have been a bad date because a day later she was calling me and once again I allowed myself to be recycled. What Im saying is, she kept me on the hook just i case it didnt work out with new guy and I didnt. She also used me to fill a void becasue she was drunk and lonely and was missing me. Which it was late at night and thats when she always get lonley becasue shes not at work and her friends are at home with their spouse and she all by herself. Just as soon as she sobered up and was back to work. It was like, I dont need you anymore. When her date didnt live up to her expectations, she came hunting me. and I fell for it over and over.

I know its hard to resist them, I have been down this road so many times. and I am doing my best not ever go down it again. we are just a filler for them. A source to feed from. thats it nothing more. I wish you luck and I know its hard.

Yes


Yes

BPD's are notorious for keeping ex's warm on the side in case they want a recycle.

LMNO, I would do my best to just ignore it. I think the dream was just an in. Nothing more. Mine useed about every trick. I have forgotten how many recycles I allowed myself to go through. Sh used teh following, Her having surgery, after she pushed me away and ws silent for 3 weeks. I found out later she didnt have anyone to take care of her. Her beloved friends taht she used to trigulate me with and always praised wasnt avaialable. But guess who was. Me. I rushed back, nursed her back to health for her to rage at me after feeling better and back on her feet. Didnt need me anymore at that point served my purpose. She used a male friend of hers that became my good freind, used his depression as a way to get me to answer her calls when I was NC. She made it sound like he was having a medical emergency. I took the bait, recycled. any and all "emergiences" she used and they all led to a recycle. Which I allowed. But here is the kicker, it always, always, alwasy led back to the same results. So unless you want to be back with her I wouldnt answer. I have found they are masters at pulling out heart strings becasue we do love them and care for them. and we what it all to work out for the better.

agree, they are masters of manipulation.  When I wouldn't answer the door at my new place she brought her little kids with to ring the bell to get me to open up.

I appreciate all the responses.

GlennT- sorry to hear you've felt with the same sort of situations. Glad to hear it does eventually get better.