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Are there any good resources for NPD also? I am still unclear on which direction my husband is leaning, and I do realize that BPD often comes with something else. Do the tools etc work with NPD also? I am back and forth, because he seems to have behaviors consistent with both at different times.

You would have to give the majority of your energy, time, focus, and self to "work with" NPD by itself, not to mention with BPD too. Just wondering what the upside is for you to want to do that.

I guess I am trying to figure out what is going on. I know NPD has an even more dismal outcome, and I am trying to determine the possibilities.

If it is NPD, have strong boundaries and a strong sense of self and follow your values. You can read some of my posts if you want I wanted things to work out between my uNPD/BPDxgf but they have not, my exgf is NPD/BPD but I would say her NPD outweighs her BPD traits by far. I have read it can work if you have a strong sense of self and strong boundaries I had niether so thats why It failed , I will say that when I did stick to my boundaries and not play her game things went much better.

here is a link i found useful, I found there isn't a lot of info on NPD like there is on BPD.

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

My wife is uNPD/uBPD.  One of the therapists described it as 'high N traits, with BPD traits that come out when stressed'  (which was pretty often in those days)

For NPD you might try the book by Nina Brown:  Loving the Self Absorbed.  I think the subtitle is something like 'how to create a loving relationship with a NPD partner'

Part of the advice of this book is to become self reliant for your own emotional needs.  Your partner is going to be wrapped up in themselves, with every little thing.  So you are on your own to chart your own path and get what you need to realize a fulfilling life.  Certain things arent going to be possible, and you will need to get those in other ways.

For me it was the high level process of understanding what I could, and could not get out of the relationship.  Then finding as much of the other items via other sources.  Then figuring out how to do without those items which were leftover.

Its a tough combination.  Good luck and be sure to post your journey because its not uncommon to have a combination of traits.

I've only known one true NPD friend, and she is absolutely incapable of real self criticism aside from vanity concerns, and discussions with her are impossible. She had a very traumatic childhood, and protected herself by deciding she was the only worthwhile person in the world. She is very self reliant (manipulative to get her needs met) and self absorbed (vain and often callous). I sense she grew up with zero emotional support and zero identity feedback, and grew into an image of outrageous self importance in order to survive. She also has a false concept of what "success" means (money and surgery), like she believes fantasy life will fix everything.

BPD can reform if willing and guided by a good therapist. The NPD person I know will not even entertain the concept of needing emotional help or therapy, and frequently shuts out all suggestions she's in distress. She will not reconsider any elements of her childhood as being worth therapy. It's a locked door with a stone wall around it.

And no, the communication skills (SET, DEARMAN) etc. have never worked with her because she isn't even listening. I pity her boyfriends. She takes as much as she can, then intentionally destroys them to keep them from getting too close, and immediately moves on. Like, the next day.

I can't deal with her for more than an occasional shopping trip though, and I've seen "behind the scenes" of her relationships, and she just degrades and uses all these guys to get her needs met. She's better off alone.

She's on the severe end of NPD (take that into consideration), and tends to totally domineer all social interactions. Most people notice it at first meeting.

My therapist says that hubby is strongly BPD with a touch of NPD that usually comes out when he feels threatened.  The BPD is easier to deal with than the NPD for me... .   Originally I thought my husband was NPD and I downloaded a book called "Through the Looking Glass."  It was about boundaries and taking care of yourself and your family.  It had some good stuff but it was off base in a lot of ways (probably because I was looking at the wrong primary diagnosis).  Then I saw the therapist and the BPD and OCD are the overwhelming issues... .   it has helped knowing what the problem is.

The NPD and PTSD are only minor issues.  LOVELY.

Sadeyes

Do you know this article?

What is the relationship between BPD and narcissism (NPD)?  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90388.0)