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Title: high maintenance Post by: trevjim on April 11, 2013, 04:42:45 PM I ran into an old friend who asked me what happend between me and my ex and I basically just joked she was high maintenance.
It got me thinking, pwBPD are the extreme of high maintenance, but how much in a relationship should we take before its unhealthy. Also is anyone you would class as 'high maintenance' capable of having a healthy relationship? Title: Re: high maintenance Post by: paperlung on April 11, 2013, 04:48:07 PM *shudders* They are, especially the low-functioning ones like my ex. She wore me down so badly throughout our tenure together. Just a complete one-sided relationship.
Title: Re: high maintenance Post by: Johan on April 11, 2013, 07:24:11 PM High Maintenance epitomizes it.
Title: Re: high maintenance Post by: j4c on April 11, 2013, 07:54:41 PM Before i met my uexBPDgf, if i was told a woman was high maintenence i would immediately picture someone running around the shopping mall spending whatever she wanted without any thought towards the guy that was footing the bill. I actually had a 3 year relationship with a girl fairly similar to that and i used to refer to her as my "high maintenence girlfriend". Thinking back she wasnt a patch on my BPD ex, but for different reasons. My BPD ex wasnt particularly demanding financially but she made up for it in every other way possible! It actually felt like i was her employee most of the time!
Title: Re: high maintenance Post by: Clearmind on April 11, 2013, 08:11:29 PM Also is anyone you would class as 'high maintenance' capable of having a healthy relationship? Can you help me understand your line of questioning here trevjim? I’m a little confused. I think the focus would be on "high conflict" rather than high maintenance - we contributed to the dynamic - high conflict takes two to engage not just one! Assuming she is high maintenance is assuming we play no role. If these are the Characteristics of Healthy Relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/tools/articles15.htm) what are your thoughts? So, was your relationship healthy? A. Can you say what you like or admire about your partner? B. Is your partner glad that you have other friends? C. Is your partner happy about your accomplishments and ambitions? D. Does your partner ask for and respect your opinions? E. Does she/he really listen to you? F. Can she/he talk about her/his feelings? G. Does your partner have a good relationship with her/his family? H. Does she/he have good friends? I. Does she/he have interests besides you? J. Does she/he take responsibility for her/his actions and not blame others for her/his failures? K. Does your partner respect your right to make decisions that affect your own life? L. Are you and your partner friends? Best friends? Just a complete one-sided relationship. Partly true paperlung! We played a role. |