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I've always been a Behaviorist (Essentially ... . We are what we do. If you want to feel better do something different. If you are unhappy with a current situation. Change the situation.)

Somehow, in the process of getting through the garbage with my ex, I dug up issues which I had dealt with over a decade ago in therapy, and breathed new life into them. Thereby experiencing all that pain again. I've recently realized that was an act of futility. I was really hurting myself. The issues were dealt with, so why put myself through that again?

Basically, because I was looking for answers. I wanted to understand what happened. After 4 years, nothing made sense. No issues where ever resolved.

I've been seeing another therapist since before the breakup 19 months ago.

I recently posted how I had simplified my situation down to the following ... . My ex is a JERK and I don't think about it anylonger. That is true.

One of the things that has come out of my recent simplification is my renewed focus on myself and changing my behaviors. Essentially I've started embracing my belief in Behaviorism.

I've started doing things differently. And with each new action or change I feel better.

I've set new goals.

Made plans.

Redesigned my future.

And it's working. Yes, I learned much since the breakup. I know myself better than before. I understand myself better. But seems to be helping the most is just changing behaviors ... .   Setting a new course for myself.

So, I'm wondering if anyone else is changing behaviors and finding themselves feeling better.

Mind sharing? I'm going to start a list. If you would copy and paste the list with each new posting then add to it we can keep this going. Maybe it will help someone else change for the better :)

1. I stopped analyzing everything looking for answers and just accepted that somethings and some people just don't make sense. 

2. I made the decision to be happy.

3. I'm planning to start my own company this year.

4. Going back to school just for the fun of it.

5. Doing volunteer work.

6. Exercising and training for 5K races.

7. Started simplifying my live by selling my house (moved into a smaller apartment) and got rid of things I just don't need or want any longer.

Hi Finished

Yes all this is really, really good stuff. Behaviourist therapy absolutely works but I just want to add that it works on a somewhat surface level to me. If there are underlying issues you may just find that you come unstuck again with out 'deeper' therapy to unpick what some of the beliefs are that drive the negative thoughts and behaviours in the first place.

That's just my take and I don't mean to take away from changing those behaviours because we all need to do them and I do it every day and encourage others to.

Finished,

I believe in Behavioral Therapy too.

my list

1. I'm practicing letting go of outcomes. I do my best, with integrity, and let go. (this is HUGE!)

2. I practice gratefulness every day in some form, which brings me a feeling of happiness and hope in any moment I choose.

3. I have placed myself on a volunteer list to teach art in schools where the programs have been cut in 2013-14.

4. I will start a new company which has been a dream for 5 years by end of year with a friend and mentor.

5. I have returned to working out with a goal of a race in October 2013.

6. Simplifying. Donating clothes and household items I no longer use or need to local charities.

7. Learning meditation practices. It helps immensely with finding the "brain" energy to stay focused and peaceful.

Finished List:

1. I stopped analyzing everything looking for answers and just accepted that somethings and some people just don't make sense.

2. I made the decision to be happy.

3. I'm planning to start my own company this year.

4. Going back to school just for the fun of it.

5. Doing volunteer work.

6. Exercising and training for 5K races.

7. Started simplifying my live by selling my house (moved into a smaller apartment) and got rid of things I just don't need or want any longer.  hit_

hit_

I'd also like to address what Maria1 posted. I have, through making behavioral changes, been calmer in mind and spirit. I believe this practice helped me uncover some deeper FOO issues which I believe have played a part in my r/s (abusive sibling). This discovery is helping me understand why I was attracted to the r/s and most concerning to me; why I allowed myself to stay when my intellectually mind understood the abusive nature and toxicity levels.

(Note: Through some of my behavioral changes I have been able to let go, for the most part, of my need to understand why HE IS THE WAY HE IS, but I was not able to let go of my behaviors in the r/s, I have a very strong resolution to address my issues which allowed me to react and participate.)

Using traditional psychotherapy, EMDR, personal behavioral and a dose of meditation every day feels like it is helping me "through" the ending of the r/s and helping me probe my past to explore my behaviors in my r/s. It has started to feel nurturing to myself to take responsibility for parts of the dysfunction in the r/s which I own and make changes in myself and FOR myself which will guide me to a more secure inner and outer life in the future.

Finished:

I'm very happy to hear about the changes you have made for yourself and your new course! Redesigning a future is exciting.

You gave me some hope, too. My ex is also VERY troubled, I'm not far enough out to not think about him or us, yet. I am looking forward to the day I realize I have not thought about him/it.

Wishing ... . Great list ... .   I am gonna incorporate the "thankfulness" into mine :)