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Title: Hmmm validation Post by: hellokitty4 on April 11, 2013, 10:33:32 PM I guess I've mastered [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation)[/b][/url]? BPD friend who rarely called me or talked to me for 3 months has been calling me and wanting to see me a lot lately. I'm not sure it's idealization. Every time she calls, it's to vent, and I just keep validating, not agreeing so much us putting myself in her shoes and it seems to keep the peace. 4 weeks now.
Yet now I'm waiting for the fall out. Why can't I just enjoy these moments while they last? Title: Re: Hmmm validation Post by: Rockylove on April 12, 2013, 05:08:41 AM It isn't as easy to forget as it is to forgive.
Title: Re: Hmmm validation Post by: MaybeSo on April 12, 2013, 04:03:20 PM Excerpt Every time she calls, it's to vent, and I just keep validating, not agreeing so much us putting myself in her shoes and it seems to keep the peace. 4 weeks now. Learning the skill of emotional validation is a really important helpful skill; people who feel felt usually stay calmer, it increases ownership of what is mine v. what is yours, and it can enhance connection. I don't know exactly what to make of your descripiton, though, of what is happening. Is listening to this person vent fun or satisfying for you? Emotional validation is a way to help people feel heard ; that you understand how they feel. It's not meant to be you providing a venting service on demand; your own boundaries and limits are still important. Venting ad nauseum is not helpful or healthy for either one of you. What are you getting out of this? Title: Re: Hmmm validation Post by: hellokitty4 on April 13, 2013, 09:04:59 PM Excerpt Every time she calls, it's to vent, and I just keep validating, not agreeing so much us putting myself in her shoes and it seems to keep the peace. 4 weeks now. Learning the skill of emotional validation is a really important helpful skill; people who feel felt usually stay calmer, it increases ownership of what is mine v. what is yours, and it can enhance connection. I don't know exactly what to make of your descripiton, though, of what is happening. Is listening to this person vent fun or satisfying for you? Emotional validation is a way to help people feel heard ; that you understand how they feel. It's not meant to be you providing a venting service on demand; your own boundaries and limits are still important. Venting ad nauseum is not helpful or healthy for either one of you. What are you getting out of this? When she vents I listen and I validate. Maybe vent is the wrong word... . complain about how she feels wronged by other people. I have been asking myself this all day... . what am I getting out of this friendship? |