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Title: Not Painted Black Post by: me757 on April 14, 2013, 11:07:19 AM I read so much about people here getting painted black and dropped by the exBPD but I haven't really had that experience. My exBPD, who is engaged to a guy 5 months after we mutually broke up, tells me I'm her true love but that it didn't work out because I wasn't ready to get married (we only dated for 5 months). I never try to initiate contact yet she still calls me and wants to hang out. Maybe the new guy is getting painted black and I'm her excuse to do that... . I don't know. We met up yesterday and she wasn't wearing a ring. The most messed up thing she said was that she thinks her fiance knows that she still loves me but is still going ahead with marriage? red-flag I definitely don't want to get back with her and I feel like she is probably crazier now that the stakes are so much higher. I really just agreed to meet up to see where I was... . and its a good place. Anyone have a similar situation?
Title: Re: Not Painted Black Post by: motherof1yearold on April 14, 2013, 11:12:53 AM I'll agree with you , but would like to add she is doing a balancing act with both of you because of her fear of abandonment. Alternating men so she won't be left alone, in order to do that she can't split you black .
Title: Re: Not Painted Black Post by: elessar on April 14, 2013, 11:25:53 AM She is having the same doubts about him too and the idealization phase is probably over. She might slowly start to push him away and you are now the back-up.
Title: Re: Not Painted Black Post by: wanttoknowmore on April 14, 2013, 11:57:18 AM It's called triangulating (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0)... . purpose is to get maximum leverage and control... . For her its a risk reduction strategy... . if her new "love" doesnot pan out atleast she has you. If the new one works out (very unlikely) she can still keep you on back burner.
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