BPDFamily.com

I work in an office environment and I unfortunately see my exBPDgf every once and a while. The latest development is that she now avoids any kind eye/face contact. She blatantly looks the other way now. She will also avoid any area Im in and will walk the long way around to avoid me. Strange new development. Anybody else ever experience this? Thoughts/insights?

Hey Delta!  :)

That behaviour is not uncommon at all. Ive been through that too (from family members) and many others here had the same experience. I suggest you read more from this website, you are definetly not alone. 

Unfortunately, I work with my ex BPDbf also.  He ignores me as well and acts as if I'm not there - Oh, except to introduce me to his new girlfriend, but it was only because I was standing with some other people he was introducing her to.

I don't see mine anymore but after we broke up I returned to her place to return some things and she could even look at me. Mine cheated to break the relationship and I knew it at this point.

very interesting!

christina,

I have read these boards, but I wonder if its denial? disgust? ignore?

head in the sand?

I believe that it really is their way of just keeping any memories of us from re occurring to them.  Its kind of like if they don't see us or converse any way with us then they won't have to think of us -since those memories of us are painful to them-from what I have read-this also helps them keep us compartmentalized, ie see no evil, hear no evil, I've done no evil.  We all take it personally I know, but really it is BPD, they don't want anything to do with us until their current fairy tale runs out, then they Need us.  Try to be glad that they are going out of their way to leave you the hell alone.  Tune in to watch the Jodi Arias trial to see what its like when they dont leave us alone. 

Delta, I believe its part of the "black and white" way of seeing things. You are painted black and thats it.

I see it as a punishment for not giving them what they want. But even if you try, its never enough. Remember they are takers, not givers. The world revolves around them and you are there merely to serve them.

Of course not all BPDs are like that, but I have dealt with some undiagnosed with sadistic and histrionic traits, so thats my experience... .  

Yep, this happened to me a great deal after he broke up with me.  I'm not sure if it was black/white thinking or the guilt he felt hurting me- he couldn't face those difficult emotions so he just ran from it.  I know for a long time he assumed I hated him and was surprised to hear that I didn't.  Now, I can have somewhat friendly conversations with him, but they're never deep.  I don't try anymore to figure out what's going on in his head and I certainly don't believe anything he says.  We are cordial and that's it... .   but then there are still times when he pretends to not know me.  We dated two years btw. 

SarahinMA,

Yes, it is so strange how she made sure EVERYBODY in the office knew that we were dating and how special I was. Now, she pretends Im not there.

Everyone,

I think I need a new pair of black shoes to go with my new black suit? 

Consider yourself lucky she's avoiding you. Mine is my business partner. It's by far the worst experience of my life emotionally. Add on top of that, everything takes 10x more to get done. When things don't go perfectly (and when do they?), she goes into rage blame mode.

Nothing you do will ever be right, so when you make a decision, even after consulting her or if it was her decision, you have to overcome her before you can do anything. I swear to non-God that she causes all her own problems and then perpetuates them just because she wants to.

Mine does the oppisite.  I dont see her everyday but whenever i am around her she is peering at me all the time.  I can almost feel her staring its like its burning a hole in me.  She dkes not speak but always staring.

perhaps that's the reason why he has blocked me on Facebook and whatsapp and told me that he didn't want to "see my things" online and didn't want me to see his own... .   But for me it is very painful.

Oh I am glad I found this thread.  Some nons that have to work with their exBPDs.  I work with my ex who I think is mostly NPD and only slightly BPD.  Usually he looks down, or pretends to play on his phone, and hugs the wall when we pass one another or U turns to avoid me.   

Today he gave me an evil icy stare from way down the hallway, and held on to it until I passed like he was looking right through me.  It gave me chills.  Not sure how to act.  Now I have a lot of anxiety about running into him. 

 After I experience her first rage about a month into the relationship - I sent her a note that I "detached with love".

She thanked me but told me that if we ran into each other she would not even say Hello AND not to take it personally.

My take on this... . I was treated as a non person during and now after.

I don't know that I was ever seen as a human being. I feel like I was more of a means to an end. I felt like I was interchangeable with any other potential target, tree, or other object that filled her needs at the time.

We cross paths on the internet now and then. I can be cordial if I need to. Otherwise I keep my distance.

The last few times I saw my ex she could barely look at me. Unfortunately it was necessary for her to come round to collect mail and get her belongings as we lived together.

I drive a van and suggested taking it all in one trip as it would be easier for me, certainly and I thought both of us. She said she didn't want to create any memories of me in her new home. It was easier to pretend I never existed. This hurt somewhat, but to be fair I'm following a similar course of action myself and I can't imagine getting over her any other way.

She likes to pretend.

Weird question:

Isn't this normal? 

I do this to my ex and I'm the "non".  When she waves at me, I don't wave back (therapist instructions as I used to return the waves).  When she emails me about non-work stuff, I don't answer.  I go out of my way to avoid walking near her at work -- why shouldn't I?

Why shouldn't she do the same as well?

We're not friends anymore.  I don't need to talk to her and she doesn't need to talk to me -- unless it's work related.

She uses "work" to talk to me from time to time, as I won't indulge her otherwise.  According to my T, that's how she gets her "fix" from me.  I can't stop that but I'm getting detached enough where it doesn't bother me as much.

My ex  bf with BPD does everything possible to ignore me. He doesn't call, text, make any attempt to see me. However, he keeps our Christmas picture together on his only mirror. He had to see it everyday. He keeps all the cards, stuffed animals I have him. I just can't figure it out.