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Title: Having a bit of a bad day guys... Post by: Dave44 on April 18, 2013, 03:44:45 PM As most of you know I've been doing so well as of late. However, as my thread title states today I'm having a bad day and finding myself feeling a little down. I understand this is likely just part of the process but I felt the need to turn to my bpdfamily.com family.
I'm finding myself ruminating about her kids today. I've always had a soft spot for kids and always had a special connection with them. Obviously her kids were no exception (4 and 8) and I really bonded with them, particularly her 4 year old. We made up all these silly games and when playing them I'm not sure who had more fun, me or her 4 year old lol. The amount of joy her kids filled me with is unexplainable. I can remember several occasions where I would be playing with her 4 hear old around the house and my ex would look at me with a huge smile and say "you really are like a father to my girls. They've never had such a special connection with any other guy, it makes my heart melt." She mentioned many times how important I was to her kids and one time even said "you can't ever leave us, the girls would be devastated". It ruminations like these that just scream out in my head how could she have so abruptly dump me and never speak to me again? I mean I didn't even get to say goodbye to the kids - at all. I often wonder what they think happened to me? She even immediately removed and blocked me from her 8 year olds facebook. I recently started a thread and spoke about how I came to the realization that there was no real emotional connection with my ex in the relationship. But I'll tell ya what... . there most CERTAINLY was with her kids, and she CLEARLY saw that. I'm sad... . Title: Re: Having a bit of a bad day guys... Post by: whereisthezen on April 18, 2013, 03:51:19 PM Dave,
I feel for your heartache with the kids. I know its different bc they are nons and you seem like a warm father to them. Maybe write them a letter? Not to send but for you and keep in case you ever cross paths one day. They'll need to know too that they were/are loved. As for you, try journaling and know there is someone that will appreciate and love you. Hold out until you find that person. |