BPDFamily.com

So I'm just over two months out (and 3 weeks NC) from the last time I saw my ex-fiance when she left and then a few days later said we were done. I have been seeing another girl for about a week and a half... .   she'd been staying over, and she's a really nice girl. We were planning a trip for next weekend, and I was mildly excited. However, my heart just isn't in it. I feel like we basically need to have several drinks before I can relax around her or not be sullen over my ex. I still think of my ex far too often when we're together, and that's where my heart stil lies. We were watching a movie last night where the protagonist finds his long lost love, and all I was thinking about was my ex. It was a crushing and deflating feeling. And I hate it, because I don't feel like my ex is deserving of me still longing for her. I think I'm going to have to stop seeing this girl, out of fairness to both of us. I guess 2 months is still pretty soon, and maybe I just need more time to work on myself and grieve the loss of who I thought was my soulmate. It just sucks that this process can't be expedited, no matter what we do or how much we want it to be.

Unfortunately, it can't be expedited. 

Did you discuss your ex with your new girlfriend?  I know that can be tricky in a new relationship, so it's understandable if you haven't.

I had mentioned it to her that I had gotten out of a pretty messed up relationship just a few months ago, yes, but that's about all that was said about it. It's further complicated by the fact I'm moving to the other side of the country soon and any continuation of the relationship would mean long distance (serious), and I'm just not feeling that way about this girl.

All valid reasons to not let it go any further.  Do you know what you want to say to her regarding not pursuing the relationship?

Not exactly yet... .   I imagine I'll just let her know that I think she's a great person, but there's still too many things I need to work on with myself before I'm ready again for any sort of relationship.

Do you think she has developed deeper feelings for you since you've been dating?

You are not responsible for how she responds to what you want to tell her.  Just remember that.  If you are being honest and acting responsible and in the best interest for both of you, that is a noble thing.

I do get the strong sense that she is much more into it than I am. And that's partly why I feel so bad. It has only been a week and a half, but due to the fact I was moving soon, we were starting to plan a lot of things to do. At first, I think I was excited just to be with someone else and not alone wallowing over my ex, but that excitement sadly was short lived.

That's a tough situation, but realistically a week and a half, if she is a fairly balanced person, she should understand.  Just be prepared for some sadness on her part, which is normal.  It's only been a short time, so she will be fine.  Taking care of yourself, and not pulling someone in closer that you know does not feel right now is a mature thing to do.

I had a talk with her. She was very understanding, which was kind of shocking after the BPD fiasco with the ex. Basically she said she understands that all of that stuff is still fresh, and she's comfortable with just hanging out until I leave and not planning things and stuff like that. So I don't know if that means just friends, or FWB, but it sounds like we'll keep hanging out for now, albeit not so much in a romantic capacity. I'm ok with either, as I would like to keep in touch with her once I move as friends.