|
Title: feeling so bad... Post by: Billa on April 21, 2013, 07:45:45 AM I'm feeling so bad... . I've been on a school-trip (I had no option, I had to go... . ) to a place where we went in July and we were so happy, a sort of honeymoon for us, and it has been terrible. Now the pain is so deep... . I know that for him I'm nothing and that he is happy with his recycled exGf with whom he cheated me... . he doesn't mind about me, about what I feel. I'm the bad one, the one he hates because I spoke and said "you can't go on cheating, hurting and humiliating me". He hates me, while i'm still loving him and I'm dying inside... .
Title: Re: feeling so bad... Post by: lockedout on April 21, 2013, 08:58:32 AM You need to learn to love yourself again. Detachment is a process. His "love" wasn't real. The "honeymoon" wasn't real. Would it be better to live in denial or to tolerate his cheating for months or years on end, or for him to hate you because you stood your ground?
Title: Re: feeling so bad... Post by: Billa on April 21, 2013, 09:24:22 AM thanks for your words, I know you're right but, all the same, it is very difficult :)
Title: Re: feeling so bad... Post by: mrclear on April 21, 2013, 09:37:34 AM Apart from what lockedout said, he doesn't hate you. He hates himself. He hates the fact that he is not perfect, that you know about it, that you have reminded him of his faults and iniquities and are setting boundaries. Any normal partner would acknowledge this and work things out with you. For someone with BPD this is intolerable, because they simply cannot face their true self. They would rather move on and block out any self-reflection. It's a BPD survival-instinct. You shouldn't take this personal (although it's hard).
As hard as it is now, know that you are better off. His behavior won't change as long as he is not willing to resolve his personal issues. There would always be another enormous "f**k up" or accident waiting to happen... . You don't need that. Keep reading here... . Scour the boards and start healing yourself. It's the best that you can do for yourself right now. You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be loved and respected :) atb, mrclear Title: Re: feeling so bad... Post by: Billa on May 02, 2013, 02:07:12 PM Apart from what lockedout said, he doesn't hate you. He hates himself. He hates the fact that he is not perfect, that you know about it, that you have reminded him of his faults and iniquities and are setting boundaries. Any normal partner would acknowledge this and work things out with you. For someone with BPD this is intolerable, because they simply cannot face their true self. They would rather move on and block out any self-reflection. It's a BPD survival-instinct. You shouldn't take this personal (although it's hard). As hard as it is now, know that you are better off. His behavior won't change as long as he is not willing to resolve his personal issues. There would always be another enormous "f**k up" or accident waiting to happen... . You don't need that. Keep reading here... . Scour the boards and start healing yourself. It's the best that you can do for yourself right now. You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be loved and respected :) atb, mrclear thanks a lot. It's hard, very hard. and I'm very happy to have a place like these boards, where I can find words like yours :) |