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I got primary custody.  exuBPD wife has 3 nights.  I pay for all child care and all medical. 

Should i go for child support?  I am up in the air about this one.  Why?  I feel somewhat bad about taking money.  I can do it without any support, but I believe she should pay half of some stuff. 

Any ideas? 

Have you consulted with an attorney about how much money you are looking at receiving?

Does she have employment where she is able to pay?

Parents are obligated to support their children.That includes financially,mom or dad.

She should also share half of all medical not covered by insurance.It's not for you.It's for your and her children.

Warning!  Feelings of guilt.  If you feel badly, take the money and put it in a trust fund for college.

Just wanted to say that if SHE had gotten full custody, you would be paying child support. My dBPD sister never paid a cent towards her youngest child's support. But she took the father's of her 2 other kids to the cleaners. EVERY parent who is not the primary parent, should be contributing towards their child's/children's well being. Even if it's $25 a month.

Three nights per week or every two weeks?  The first is about 43%, the second is about 21%, big difference.  If she has nearly equal time and your incomes are fairly close it may be okay to just let it go.  (I just peeked - 3 nights per week.  You get ALL weekends?  That's very unusual!  No court would have ruled that way, but they'll let it happen for a settlement where you both agreed.)

Did the order already include some financial reimbursement terms such as for medical, dental and school expenses?

If you immediately ask for child support, could it trigger her to go back to court and want a redo?  For that reason I'd hesitate to act too quickly since you don't want her to rush right back to court seeking to change it all before it has become the "new normal".  (And the "new normal" might be the kids spending even more time with you than listed in the agreement.  So keep documenting.  It may not affect any child support calculations since they typically depend on the order, not the reality, but document anyway just in case you do end back in family court.  For many of us it's a revolving door as repeat litigants.)

Another factor is that neither you nor your ex knows what your financial circumstances will be in the years to come.  What if you have a major accident and your income drops?  What if she remarries and she moves into a house three times the size of yours?  If you delay asking for child support now, are you legally able to ask for it later?


This is an excellent method to defuse claims of you taking advantage of her, abusing her, etc.  Yes, you saying you're reserving it for the kids won't impact her resentment or her perceptions but using that logic when talking with court, the various agencies or with reasonably normal people will help show them you're not vindictive or unreasonable, that you have the children's interests as your priority.

Half of what N/BPDx pays me goes toward legal bills.

If you are supporting the kids as primary custodial parent, then yes. Accept child support! If you struggle with the guilt, put it into an account for the kids. If you end up being dragged back to court over and over, you'll also have money to cover the indignities.

  The money is not for you it is for the kids. You should not feel bad.