BPDFamily.com

Soo... .  I thought I was doing so wellllll... .    Time was moving on... .   I was moving on (or so I thought). Was digging a new chick (finally feeling attracted to someone else) . New chick thinks of me only as a friend ( she didn't mean to lead me on ... . just didnt have the courage to say she wasn't interested... . )

and then this:

Last Thursday, I had a training session on the floor my exBPD works on at a different company location. So , nervous... .  but i kept telling myself... .  tunnelvision and ignore ignore ignore if it all possible. I was doing well... .  until I noticed her walking up and down two aisle's from me.  But I did not stare or fixate ... . just kept at the task at hand and from what I felt I gave off ... . hopefully there was no reaction.  Then she freaking did a fly-by !  after all the crap she put me through... .  some nerve.

Again, i maintained composure and when the session was done... .  I left (normally, I hand around and talk to some old coworkers for a quick catchup since whenever it was I spoke to em last) So I felt good... .  but just noticing her one time... .  was just well it hurt. ( I saw her from her back... . I did not see face to face)

Sort of like a black and blue mark that you poke... .  it's there... . it's fading but when u poke it 'ow'... . poke it again "ow' 

So , had a beer that night and just was like ... . kool , I made it through.

The next day a coworker passes me on org chart... .  it showed that she is now in my building 3 floors below me.  After I made a few quick calls, my worst nightmare is coming true. She took on a new position and reports to my building tomorrow morning.

I was sick to my stomach.  Totally distracted at work. It was seven months to the day that i had any contact with her. When I got home... .  I cried. And I cried hard for a good hr or so . All this ___ is coming back. All the feelings ... . the pain... . the delusion of wanting to be back with her again... .  the hatred of what she did and the hostility I have towards her current BF (one she dumped me for).

I don't get it. My mind + logic understands and yet this stupid heart of mind won't let go.

and now a complex is developing. I may never see her in the building... . but the mere fact that she is going to be working there and possibly running into both of them again ... . sickens me. I almost quit my job today... .  the fear is starting to take its toll.

Any coping mechanisms , insights to how you may have handled this situation would be greatly appreciated.

ps: kudos to oletimefeeling and clearmind's post to pearl's post. 

I am trying to fig out the hook and just like oletime, i am rarely around these boards anymore... .  but it's a family I can rely on when this crap happens.

My heart goes out to you 34broken and I can't even imagine what that would do to me in all honesty. For me I know that half of me clings to the fantasy, but the reality was far more brutal so I just keep remembering that. I have written down on sticky's some of the terrible things he said to me from his many rages... .  and the things he did to me just as a reminder of what I really had which is NOT what I want, illusion or not!

What ever it takes... .  because the ugly is what is real here. So what if I am looking at a bunch of sticky's all over my mirror it serves as a good reminder to keep me grounded because I know that my heart is right screwed up but my mind is far more rational. One day I'll take them all down because I won't need them but because my heart is COMPLETELY unreliable and twisted up in the fantasy I simply can't trust myself unless I give myself plenty of reminders as to how brutally ugly it really really was.

Hey 34!

My heart goes out to you since you cannot simply maintain distance, as many of us can. I know that the thought of bumping into my stbexh makes me ill, really, and I am doing very well after almost 4 months of very LC. What I have done in the few times we do have contact is stick strictly to business. I think of it like a business meeting, and don't allow myself to get emotional. When the personal stuff was brought into the conversation, I ignored it. I refuse to allow him to see me rattled. It takes a great deal of self talk, and affirmation. I repeat many one line affirmations over and over. I practice living a healthy life, knowing that this person is not healthy, cannot enhance my life, and is nothing more than someone I have business with, period. It's hard, and I have had some very anxious moments with exposure to his influence. I can tell you though, with practice, it gets easier, it really does, and you can do it too!

Best Wishes,

Val78

34,


After months of lurking on these boards, I had to finally register... . partly because of your post, which really struck a chord with me.

I don't know your back-story, but I have a feeling that I already know the gist of it. 


I've been there, myself. Long story, short... . met former "somewhat-GF" w/BPD about 5 years ago as a co-worker, did the whole BPD dance, left that company for a better opportunity, the relationship blew up shortly after that... . NC on either end, save for a few contact attempts on my part early on. This was before I knew what BPD was -- and she was also the reason I discovered it online, after the fact... .  such an impact & had never seen something quite like that, that I just *had* to know what her deal was! 


Well, guess who eventually shows up at my new company, years later? Yep, she got a job there, thru a connection. Same industry, & everyone is entitled to a job, I suppose.

She blind-sided me & made 1st contact. I was guarded. We started talking for a few months, things were overall "okay," until one point I suddenly realized that she was still the same! I was getting sucked in again, & her BPD was creeping in big-time & in new/different ways.

Yadda yadda yadda... . an eventual replay of our 1st go-around, with her giving me the Silent Treatment -- and me eventually getting out of that company & into a new job. We do not communicate anymore.


Anyway, I know what it's like. And no, it was not fun for me, I'm afraid to say. From the moment she 1st made contact that 2nd go-around, I knew I was scr#wed, especially given my already-lousy work situation. We worked on the same floor, and only a few departments away. We saw each other a lot, both before & after the silent treatment. I eventually started using another entrance/exit on the other side of the building, just so I didn't have to see her all the time. What does she do? Starts "stalking" me on that side of the building. Not saying anything, & not even looking at me. For months.

Why didn't I say anything to her? Because she had fre@ked out so bad, that I was told by her superiors that she "was paranoid" & didn't want me talking to her anymore. Total bizarro world.


My job was lousy before she got there, & I was looking to get out, anyway. But I believe her arrival had hastened my departure.

I know about the complex you speak of. I also know the feeling of wanting to quit. Seems like it's a no-win situation, doesn't it. And no, it's definitely not cool knowing the whole time that she could potentially have a direct or even indirect effect on your livelihood.


Questions: How much do you like your job? How much do you like your employer? Would a transfer to another branch be possible for you?


Definitely not trying to scare you or anything, but as a realist I think it might be wise to perhaps give thought to those questions, as potential options for somewhere down the road. They may -- or may not! -- come in handy.

So, how do you handle it on a day-to-day basis? Good question, because I couldn't. But I certainly feel for you, brother.


Take solace in the fact that *you* are looking to heal!  |iiii