BPDFamily.com

My BPDbf and I just got back together after seven months apart. It was so refreshing and peaceful but I really missed the good side of him and was happy to find out that he started DBT shortly after I broke up with him. We communicated through text and emails and then phone calls for a while before we began seeing each other a couple weeks ago. It's mostly been pretty good although he's had a lot of trouble coping with the fact that I had a rebound fling a couple weeks after our breakup. It lasted two weeks. When I broke up with my boyfriend we had already been estranged for months because he was too unpredictable to trust spending much time with him without having it overwhelm and then eventually break me. Shortly before breaking up with him I also watched my grandpa die and a lot of family problems surrounding that.

Of course he sees these facts as "excuses" and still struggles to cope with it. This morning I was on the phone with him while I was picking up breakfast for my office and he started to get very authoritarian and demanding about the commitment I'd made months ago to take my sister to High Sierra music festival in July. He kept fighting me on it and saying how he hates the way I do things other people want me to do (he claims the music sucks and I won't like it, even though I told him I'm going to enjoy spending time with my sister in the mountains). I know it's not about that, but about how he's upset that I'll be with her on 4th of July instead of him. He kept pushing and being demanding until I started crying and even wavered for a moment, saying "Fine I won't go, just stop yelling at me." Even though I know that's wrong and I need to maintain my boundaries for the both of us.

Work ended up going really badly so I was pretty stressed and tired. I was talking to him on the phone when I drove back to the office from taking my cat to the vet a little bit ago - this time it was about how I'm only spending the night at his place on Friday instead of Friday and Saturday since I promise my mom I would get up early to clean on Sunday. I never promised this or said I would and regardless, we already discussed how we need to be taking it easy for a while as we get our footing and learn to cope with conflict and his splitting better. He raged and I lost my self-control. I feel bad but I'm kind of discouraged. We're supposed to hang out with one of my friends tonight (we ALWAYS have hung out with his and never mine or my family). The only friend of mine he's spent time with was my very best friend since the age of eleven and my bf was a complete ass to him every time. I'm worried that tonight will be a disaster but I can't cancel on my boyfriend without creating a bigger issue and I can't cancel on my friend because he planned around it and we haven't hung out in a few weeks.

I'm not sure I can do this. I got so used to having my life be peaceful and being in control of my environment. It's really hard to go back to the roller coaster now and I almost wish I could just crawl into a hole and give up.  

There's no law that says you can't change your mind.  If your peaceful life is more pleasurable without him than that's the ticket!  Follow what you know is right for you and he will have to follow what is right for him... .  or not and that's not your problem.     It's never easy, but being in control of your own life is so worth it!