BPDFamily.com

I've been reading a lot of articles lately on this site and others, and I stumbled across one regarding a non obsessing over a BPD ex partner and a theory on the who the how and the why... .  

What that led me to was a link that was talking about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and the affects that it can have on the obsessing or may elevate the toxicity of the relationship, and I find the symptoms or suggestions in the article very close to home on most parts, which leads me to think that I may have some level of ADD (not hyperactive and undiagnosed of course and I will speak to my doctor/counsellor about it next meeting) but it seems that it can cause a very toxic combination with the ADD person's thinking/actions/traits/unpredictable-ness invalidating and driving the BPD crazy or out of sorts with frustration of the non, has anyone experienced this sort of situation?

I especially noticed it with the HyperFocusing on fixing the immediate problem, and fixating on solving an issue instead of the broader picture, wether or not that is something we do to solve the problem with the BPD because it is the only way we know how or feel we can or if it is something to do with ADD, I am not sure but its certainly an interesting mix and hits home for me in alot of cases so I will be investigating it further.

I found a topic on ADD and BPD in the Undecided forum also: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=115877.0

Just for thoughts... .  oRiCLe.

I would have to say I know exactly what you are talking about.

My wife has ADHD, and she takes meds daily for it, when she chooses. But she has the meds for it always on hand.

She also has OCD, but I have always been suspect of that. I think she self diagnosed that. In many respects, we were the same, when things got out of control in the house and it was messy, we both felt out of sorts and wanted to square it away. Is that OCD? I don't know. She wasn't the type of did repetitive actions.

But the ADHD i can see exactly what you're talking about. I know my wife obsesses over thoughts and cannot break free. I am sure this has helped her to break away a 3rd time from me, which is leading up to a divorce this time.

I noticed for my ex U-BPD that he would obsess over details, anything that he interpreted as 'off' to him or slightly wrong. He would obsess over anything I said if he felt there was something not right with it.

What I noticed with my ex is that he had what appeared to be ocd traits along with something similar to ADD. I would watch him and notice that either he would become obsessed in doing something (computer research or a project he was on) or it was the opposite and he simply couldn't focus on anything and appeared always restless and in a strange daze.

The effects this had on him with regards to his mood dysregulation was huge because what ever minor thing was 'off' or made him question things that were said or done threw him off for days literally. He would obsess over the issue until eventually he had literally created a mountain out of a grain of sand. He would scrutinize and find the black that he needed to justify devaluing you and then he would begin his persecution which always lead to rage.

There wasn't a word that I could say or a behavior that I would do that wasn't stored and obsessively scrutinized until he felt it was sufficient evidence in his head to crucify me with it. He would attach everything else to it as well that was also stored and then begin to gaslight me to make me doubt myself.

Yet my ex also had an incredible ability to be organized and meticulous with his personal life and home. He was in many ways also a perfectionist. It was a strange combination because I would see him be so disconnected often and 'somewhere else'.

So according to my experience my ex'es ocd and what appeared like ADD traits were a bad combination that exasperated his disorder.