BPDFamily.com

as I posted earlier I had been on vacation for a week and hed been out of country. Vacation was great, I needed it. ExBPDGF made an appearance at my favorite resturant right before I left. Didnt hear anything from her. Last day of my vaction I get a text from her hope my trip was a good ome. I didnt respond. Here is my question, we used to messenge each other on yahho messenger. I had shut down  my facebook page. The next day I get on yahoo and see that she is no longer listed in my messenger contacts. No big deal, I figured she took me off. I thought good. I check my email today and it pops up that she is once again one of my contacts. I dont know much about messenger but is it possible that she added me back on. Is this another crazy attempt at contact? ever since the text I have been really down and out. Having hard time shaking this feeling today.

not necessarily.

More likely, she got mad and deleted you.

Later, she was (pick random emotion here) and thought of you adding you back.

pwBPD use other PEOPLE to alleviate intense emotions... .  It is one of the many maladaptive coping tools


Specifically, what feeling do you have?

I know when I go on vacation, I am good at first when I get home then kinda have a crash... .  back to the real world.  Are you sure she didn't just bring you back to the real world?

seeking balance, Never thought of it as way of coping. I figued with teh randon text and then adding me back it was a way of just kind of being in my face.

I think I had just tried to put her out of mind during my vaction since this was a vaction that we ahd discussed for us. And it worked pretty good. But when I got that text it just put thing sback in my mind, it brought the sadiness back that this should have been us taking that vaction instead of just me. since then I have been pretty down and out. It brought about so much sadness.

The things that bring back the sadness are hard.  However... .  at least she didn't ruin your vacation.  Not sure about you, but vacations were always stressful when I was with crazyx.  I don't miss that one bit.

turtle

yeah, if I could add a number 11 on the False Belief article that keep us stuck it would be random "popping" up in not necessarily a recycle attempt, more likely - she used the memory of you to cope with something.

PwBPD have very intense emotions - most of how they act is to alleviate those emotions - not about you.  How many times have you read on this board, recycling takes 2.  Many times, the contact itself was enough for your pwBPD to relieve some intense emotion - it is when WE think it means more that we engage, get hopeful, are nice... .  well, what better way to feel good than be around someone nice?  So, the pwBPD plays the role while it feels good - eventually, the same triggers occur - they leave and we wonder "how did that happen again?"

It happens because we fail to realize this is a real disorder and once the cycle of push/pull starts - it continues until a new factor is introduced... .  another person by them or we have enough. 



It is ok to be sad, this is a normal part of grieving.  Let yourself feel it - you only will have to go through this once. 

Keep living your life, feel sadness as you need to - I used to hate when people would tell me "this too shall pass"... .  but it is true.

seeking balance, that makes sense. In the past when she would send out a random text like that I would respond, the cycle would start over and then a few weeks later or a month later the push way would start again. and i wouod be saying why did you contact me if you didnt want us back togther and she woudl saying something like i wa slonely and i missed you but I didnt want us back togther. So what you said makes sense. I know recycle takes two and i dont think that was what I really was asking I think I was asking did the behavior sound like an attmept or just a way of being in my space. Im doing my best to keep living an dgetting on with my life. and some days im doing really well but then days like today I feel like im at the body of the ocean, I just cant get no lower.