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I've just realized how codependent I really am. I'm not ready to take the step to get therapy yet, although I would really like to. I have always felt held back by my emotions and my extreme fear of making people unhappy. The good news is that I am no longer in denial. Reading really helps me understand things, I wanted to buy a book on how to stop being Codependent, there a many to choose from. I was wanting some suggestions or any advice on how to stop this behavior. I've been so unhappy my entire life because I'm not living my life how I should be, my emotions run my life too, just like my husband who has BPD. Some of the feelings are so similar and I've been blaming my husband for everything. I don't know how to not let him affect me. I really want to grow and become a healthy person.

Also, I really think the article on this site about Codependency should be taken down and replaced with something more informative and less judgemental. I read it when I first came on this site and I completely passed it over because it was a very narcisistic veiw of codependency and it didn't sound like me at all. I read over it again and picked out some behaviors that I do so I decided to look it up on the internet in general. That's when my eyes opened up to the fact that I have a problem. That article is misleading and I think it probably turns people away who read it from realizing they have a probelm.

I have not read it, but my therapist asked me to read the book "Co-Dependent No More". She said it was very good and would explain certain things to me.  I guess I should buy one too. 

I would read codependent no more by melody Beattie- much of the other stuff stems from her work. Remember that codependency is somewhat dependent upon definition. The more you read the more you will find your own working definition. My definition is that I hid from my own stuff by concentrating on somebody else's problems.

I agree with you about the article. Some people say it woke them up to their codependency however. I think we all different creatures with codependent traits. I like to think if this article as being made up of codependents, whether we like it or not. And within that we are all incredibly different!

I like this:

www.mindfulconstruct.com/2009/02/05/what-is-codependency/

The same website helped me with an introduction to mindfulness in a way that works for me. You can sign up for some straight forward 'lessons' which have no agenda other than helping to manage emotions.

The self acceptance project I am also finding very useful, also posted on PI.

Good luck- recognising it is a big step  |iiii

Hi, a book that has really helped me sort out my"stuff" has been How People Grow by Cloud and Townsend. I found it as a recommendation on this site. It is not specific to codependency but discusses traits that hold us back and ways to overcome. Probably has been the single most helpful book I've read and over the last two years that pile is starting to reach pretty high   :)

Congratulations on the progress you have all ready made.

Maria just noticed your note, absolutely agree with Beatties book. Thanks for the link. Will check it out too 

I just bought the book Codependent no more, thanks for the suggestions. I would love some more too! I think I need to do a lot of work on me.

One of my favorite books is a daily meditation book by Melody Beattie called The Language of Letting Go.  It contains a reading for each day of the year.  Most of the entries are quite profound and loaded with food for thought.  The author has obviously done a lot of inner work.

I like How to Be a Grown Up and How to Be A Grown Up In Relationships, both by David Richo.

Btw, my experience about the article in question was just the opposite.

I have read material for years on CD including Beattie (also a non professional) and it never really sunk in what COD really was, until I read the "ugly" article on this forum and started to see it through a different lens. It sparked my movement out of denial.

So, you know, it just goes to show, everyone is different! What works for one won't be the same for another.

Also, that article isn't the only treatment on CD on this site. If you go to Personal Inventory, Who should post here, and click on link to Hot Topics, there's a whole thread led by Skip on the subject and there's lots of other links and references to other material. That article isn't the only one.

I suppose it sparked something in me too, but it did it out of anger. I didn't want to be veiwed like that because my intenetions are pure, I suppose it's part of my codependent personality  :light:

I did see the the thread on Codpendency too, many people agreed with my veiw on the article and I found the thread very helpful  |iiii

I am really enjoying the Codependent No more book, I am going to start focusing on myself instead of my husband. It helps that he is getting therapy, he has someone else to sort of guide him now. That makes it much easier for me to step back and focus on me. It would have been impossible for me to wake up and see what's wrong with me if I was in fully worry, anxiety mode.

I think Mealody Beattie has been on both sides of the Codependent relationship and has recovered, I am very excited to read her other books once I get through this one. I've read a lot of books on Borderline Personality disorder, they have helped but I think a lot of those books don't wake you up to your own probelms which is where we need to start. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all the opsticals in my way" lol, I have this thing about Sunshine and Cloudy Days. It's a very Sunny Day for me. Thank you all so much for the suggestions, I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

another good one is Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood, I see myself so

much in this book and had to keep re reading parts of it... .  yes, I am still codependent

but realizing that I do have choices and enabling does NOT help.

Wishing you the best on your path and doing some good reading to help yourself.