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Does it do any good to call pwBPD out on their lies?  I know my uBPDh is telling a bunch of whopper lies and I feel like I have given him the opportunity to be at least somewhat honest and he is persisting with his story.  He is doing his best John Lovitz impression as the pathological liar on SNL and it would be funny except this time a personal line has been crossed and i am hurt in a way that is eating at my inner being.  We have kids at home (youngest is 10), but I am really considering leaving them w him and staying somewhere else at least tonight.

My uBPDh has done TONS of lying but denied every bit of it (no matter how much proof I had) until it just became ridiculous. He finally "came clean" after that but only to a point.That was last weekend and after 4-5 days of being wonderful he is now being a bigger jerk than ever! You have to decide what is truly important to you. He has a mental illness and may never even be capable of being totally honest. If a line was crossed that you know is unforgivable then leave but not just for the night - for good. Otherwise, you will just be prolonging the inevitable.

However, if you think you can eventually get past this, then start working on that now. That means working on your own feelings and accepting his. This is so very tough - especially with children.

You are in my thoughts.

I never got anywhere with this.  My exBPDbf would either

- deny everything

- lie more by claiming he never told the lie

- lie more by saying he told me the truth but i misunderstood

- twist things around in an attempt to make me feel crazy for doubting him

- make the lie bigger and crazier in an attempt to make me believe it or make it acceptable

and my favorite when a mutual friend told me he was cheating on me for months.  (i had confronted him several times with my suspicions.)

- "i couldn't tell you the truth because i knew you would freak out.  you gave me no choice but to lie.  it's your fault and you need to get over it." 

He would even put his lies in writing only to contradict them later.  When I would ask him which story was true I would either get the silent treatment or some comment like, "what kind of crazy person saves emails?".

So the little lies I let slide.  The big ones I could not and that's why he is my ex.  I was not married to him though and no kids, I am not sure what I would do in your situation.  Unbelievably difficult!  My thoughts are with you as well.   

OMG you just described my husband to the perfect T! Are you sure you weren't dating him? LOL!

I am dealing with my H and this issue right now and he has committed a deal breaker by lying to me. It was bad enough I had to get law enforcement involved so I am now in the leaving phase of our marriage.

Martillo, honey I can't tell you to leave because that is your decision but, if he has crossed a line that cannot be forgiven then I suggest that you seriously consider it.

Thank you, Byasliver.  You are definitely a voice of reason. I know you have also been through much.  

I understand that H has a mental illness and addiction to alcohol which is an illness, but I am not sure where I am w acceptance.  Some days I am better than others.  I however do not have a mental illness (yet-LOL) and I am not sure how much more I am willing to accept-one thing about working on myself is that it makes me really dislike who I  am in this relationship.  Maybe that is the crux of this matter-it's not what he did but what I am doing (or not doing) about it.  He can spin tales though faster than I can address and try to confront any issue.  It is a losing battle and I am not sure how much longer I want to stay in this war.  I stay by choice, but I am really beginning to question at what cost to me.

And yes, DogGrrrl-check, check, check, check to all your list except H told me after his affair (the one I know about) that it was actually good for our marriage because it "made us realize what we could be losing." I told him that at no point in time would I ever consider an affair "good" for our marriage... .  never.