BPDFamily.com

I posted a topic a couple weeks ago about sending a Mother's Day card to my unBPD MIL and felt really good about the answers I received. (Thanks you guys!)

My husband and I went shopping for Mother's Day cards for our moms and unfortunately he couldn't find anything with a simple "Happy Mother's Day" message. In my husband's words, "They don't have cards for bad moms! Is this holiday about lying?" Instead, he got a pretty flowery card that's blank inside. So here's what my question is about: After having a really good discussion about how he wants to write her a note in the card, he also wants to keep it simple and positive. We have been NC for almost seven months and never told her before we went NC why we were doing it.

He has pulled away from his parents before, but this is the first time actually pulling away and knowing that she has unBPD. He's been airing out his feelings lately and I am SO stinkin' proud of him to start working through all his emotional pain, memories and past while focusing on moving forward with his life (so many of you know how hard that is!).

He's struggling with what to write. He doesn't just want to write "Happy Mother's Day", but he also doesn't want to lead her into a dramatic round of he said/she said by getting into why he hasn't been speaking to her.

Do any of you have some suggestions for what he could write? We are both completely stymied.

I have always had trouble shopping for greeting cards for that very reason! They've always been too mushy for my taste. :)

Some stores (Hallmark, for one) do sell "simply stated" cards, which are the ones I tend to go for. Usually they say something simple like, "Have a great Mother's Day," or something like that instead of the usual long-winded ones.


I don't see anything wrong with a simple, "Happy Mother's Day," but if he wants to write more, he could say something simple like, "Thinking of you. Have a great day."

Thank you GeekyGirl! You always have awesome answers. :)

I suggested something like that and he said he wanted to write something more than just 'thinking of you', however he doesn't want to "get into it" either. I am baffled as I really don't know how he can steer clear of any deeper topic/potential argument and still say what he wants to (especially in a mother's day card). I'm wondering if he's thinking of a way to simply explain why he hasn't been speaking with her and completely shut off all communication. He could say, "I'm sorry if you were hurt when I chose to cut off communication with you, but it was the best way to handle the issues we were having with you and Dad at the time. I am unhappy with our relationship, you know this, you've felt the tension. Wife and I are not only wanting things to change, but also waiting for you to accept this and be willing to change." But that'll cause problems and it seems a little heavy for mother's day card.

Yikes, I don't know!