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I have not had contact with my mother since January of this year (with the exception of her sending me random text messages every month or so).  So this will be the first year that I don't talk to her for Mothers Day.  The soft side of me says she is still your mother and did give you life so get her something for Mothers Day and the logical side says NC means NC no matter what and sending her something is just going to open a can of worms that I don't want to deal with.  Also I know my family will for sure look down on me for not celebrating my mother on mothers day even after all the horrible things she has done to me.  Does anyone have any advice?

Let me just set up the last episode I had with her:  She was visiting my sister and telling my sister that she misses her granddaughters (my children) and she doesn't know what to do to get me to let her see them.  My sister tells her she needs to call me, set up a time to sit down and talk with me and for her to listen to what I have to tell her and to make an effort to follow the guidelines I put in place.  My mom says ok I will do that.  2 days later my mother contacts my ex husband via text message and this is what she says to him:  "Hi Mike this is Sue (I changed names) I miss my grand girls so much I've tried to give Sally (me but I changed my name) her way but it's not good enough she's ruled us (meaning I ruled my mom and my ex-husband) for too long I can't think it's ok when she tell's me to f off in front of her girls (I yelled at my mom to f off after one of her tantrums about 6 years ago and no matter how much I admit it was wrong its not enough for her) when is she going to realize she's hurting your girls by not being in my life who would deny their kids extra luv im so hurt by her".  Now I've told my mom over and over again the things that have to change to have a relationship with myself and her granddaughters and she has done NOTHING and now she is trying to go behind my back to see them.  Then she proceeded to tell my ex-husband that the reason why my dad didn't come live with me is because how nasty I am to everyone and how nasty I am to him.  My dad and I have a great relationship and I see him all the time.  HELP!