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Title: Letting the chips fall where they may... Post by: mom2bkl on May 07, 2013, 09:32:18 AM This is something that I am struggling with soo much. We are in the last month of DD18 senior year... . and I just know in my gut that she isn't going to graduate. It seems as the pressure mounts, the marks fall and the follow through becomes non-existent. We put down some firm boundaries and they definitely helped... . but all of a sudden its like she doesn't care what the consequences are Her "best friend" is here with us from out of state and DD hasn't been home once to see her. Why oh why do they hurt the people they love soo much? She stays with her boyfriend and hasn't been with him long enough for him to "believe" there is anything wrong with her and he is trying to rescue her at this point.
How do I just let things fall as they may... . watching my little girl who has the intelligence to do anything... . two weeks ago she wasn't finished her math on-line course and she powered through the whole thing in a weekend... . but to bring up 4 Fs to a passing grade... . just doesn't seem feasible. I feel like this is kind of a crossroads... . and I appreciate what one of you mentioned before about just letting the natural consequences have their place and wishing you had done it in highschool. Here is to hoping that she can pull herself up by her bootstraps as we step away but please keep us in your thoughts for the next 30 days... . we are going to need all the help we can get. I find myself just so sad right now... . I"m reading about Validating a lot in a book you recommended and love it and the effects of it... . I have a lot to learn and a lot to practice... . but I cannot let my younger two be taken down by the choices of one. My husband reminded me this morning... . that no matter the disorder, she is a smart girl and until she is willing to get back in therapy and learn to use her "logical" brain that we simply cannot help. Thanks for all your support in this difficult time:) Title: Re: Letting the chips fall where they may... Post by: griz on May 07, 2013, 11:46:50 AM mom2bkl: This has always been one of the hardest things for me to do... . watch DD18 suffer the consequences of her actions, or non actions to be more accurate. There are times where I just wanted to sit and cry, knowing what she was capable as oppose to what she was actually doing. Sometimes it also seemed as if she didn't care about the consequences. This is so hard for us as parents. I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of good energy and thoughts over the next few weeks.
My DD is finishing her college semester and I am also praying she has done the work she was suppose to do. Griz Title: Re: Letting the chips fall where they may... Post by: Tkwoody on May 07, 2013, 11:49:06 AM Not sure if you have read the book Boundries but it has some wonderful concepts in it.
Stay strong. This too will pass. Title: Re: Letting the chips fall where they may... Post by: vivekananda on May 07, 2013, 08:07:10 PM Hi mom2bld,
My dd is now 32. Up until last year, we enabled her. She could get away with all sorts of behaviours without any boundaries consistently in place. If only we had been able to do it differently... . Please stick to your boundaries and let the cards fall where they may. She needs to learn the consequences of her actions. This is not the end of the world, is it? If she fails there are all sorts of futures that are productive and fulfilling. It is her health that counts. Sending you strength for this journey ahead of you, Cheers, Vivek |