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Title: Here we go again, he says he wants to talk Post by: benny2 on May 08, 2013, 11:30:31 AM Well I stuck to my boundry and stayed away until he can be in a comitted relationship. 4 days of silence and now non stop texting and calling. Says he wants to talk that he has had enough of this bs. I'm not sure what he is going to tell me. I'm not getting any hopes up because it never seems to turn out the way I think, although he said this time I may be surprised. So, if he makes a comittment to me, can I believe it. Is it possible for them to make a comittment and stick with it?
Title: Re: Here we go again, he says he wants to talk Post by: LetItBe on May 08, 2013, 12:14:22 PM When I was asking similar questions to my T (who specializes in DBT and BPD), she firmly warned, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."
It's too bad how pwBPD swing so wildly between the fears of engulfment and abandonment. Push-pull, push-pull... . could drive most people batty! I intellectually understand the biochemistry of it, the addiction, etc., but when my heart hasn't aligned with my brain, it's been so challenging to stay grounded. That's why I've decided to use my "wise mind" to help me deal with my uBPDxbf. Nothing will change with him. I've held hope. We've both tried valiantly. BPD is too formidable of an opponent for us. It's been the same cycle for over 1 1/2 years. It sounds like yours has been much longer. If you are feeling tempted by him, I'd suggest getting REALLY clear with yourself first before you respond to him -- if you do. Also, reviewing the "Beliefs that Can Keep you Stuck" in the lessons here, especially the belief that they have seen the light. Remember, you are not obligated, and there is no rush. Take time to really think this through and get crystal clear on what you want in a r/s -- with a T, if at all possible. |