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Title: She is receptive to going to therapy... Post by: hanginon on May 09, 2013, 05:52:10 AM I have been spending time over on L2, mostly learning about BPD from others posts. It is amazing to me the way I had let her wrap me up into everything being discussed on this forum. The projection, the FOG and how our relationship has evolved. Well we had a big blow up and I suppose with me it was the straw... . she was completely wrong and she realized it over time. I suppose it was by chance but she had already planned a trip to go see her family so a little separation after the matter seemed to be a little sobering to her. I have always told her that I love her and have never restricted any form of communicating with her. Up until now I have been the compromiser that usually did what ever was needed to be done just to get through a blow up. Over our six year marriage I have been successful getting her to a psyc. she likes him and trusts him but up until recently he had not considered BPD only bipolar II. (I had thought that all along from some looking on the internet several years ago but let that go when he wouldn't agree, I am just glad he sees it now) She is on meds for the bipolar he concluded for what ever reason the combination had stopped working and he changed one of her meds. Well... . she knows she went way overboard in our last blow up. She has been nothing but an angel since then, in my opinion because she knows I am seriously considering ending our relationship. Well... . we had a conversation yesterday and we were discussing whether or not she would return which was something she had mentioned several times before she left... . she may just stay. Well, I am fine with her staying... . lol and now, she insists on coming back. I made the stipulation that I was willing to do my part to attempt to make things work but the only way I would is if she went to therapy. She said she knew she needed something but it surprised me when she said yes. Something I expected is that she wants to go to mariagetherapy. I told her that I am open to that but felt we need to get her to a point that our time with a marriage counselor/therapist stands a better chance of being successful. It is my feeling that until she gets some DBT under her belt... . it may be a waste of time and money with the marriage counselor. I am in uncharted water, at least for the time being... . I seem to be in control of the situation. I am still in shock that I found this web site and all the information here that "IS" my life... . or has been our relationship up until now. In a sense... . I have her humble and agreeable for the first time that I can remember. If we are going to try to make it work... . I need to proceed in the right direction from here... . so I would really like to hear opinion as to how I should suggest we proceed. She is in the praise phase right now and I hung the moon... . I fully realize it will swing the other way at some unknown point.
Hanginon Title: Re: She is receptive to going to therapy... Post by: dickL on May 09, 2013, 06:52:27 AM uBPDw of 35yrs had been in therapy years ago, diagnosis of depression and anxiety. she was in therapy and pain before our first date, but assigned me the blame for her emotional issues for all these years and i believed it . she refuses any further T, and has run away ,5 wks now nc . back to childhood "soulmate" , their 3rd try. she is angry and proclaims nothing but hate for me. i've been in T for a year to figure out this trainwreck. been here a couple of weeks and learned a lot how to deal w/uBPDw during verbal and physical rages, i've handled it all wrong. statistically, she will be back, 95 percent chance of failure. he's married also. the last message i sent her told her i've always loved her and have reacted badly to her issues over time . but i told her to return home she needed to be honest w/herself before this has even a small chance for improvement.
Title: Re: She is receptive to going to therapy... Post by: hanginon on May 09, 2013, 06:13:53 PM dickl,
It sounds like you have been through a lot. I feel for your situation. Do you think when she was in therapy... . that it was the right kind of therapy? I am questioning if I should hang much hope on therapy. I had hoped to get more feedback to help me consider all aspects of it and learn from others experience. Hanginon Title: Re: She is receptive to going to therapy... Post by: bruceli on May 09, 2013, 06:50:11 PM dickl, It sounds like you have been through a lot. I feel for your situation. Do you think when she was in therapy... . that it was the right kind of therapy? I am questioning if I should hang much hope on therapy. I had hoped to get more feedback to help me consider all aspects of it and learn from others experience. Hanginon Starting T next week and the way I look at it is I gotta try. There is a chance but definitly no chance if we don't go and try. Title: Re: She is receptive to going to therapy... Post by: Grey Kitty on May 10, 2013, 07:49:31 PM Couples therapy with a pwBPD can help... . but may not, or can even make things worse.
There was a thread about marriage counseling here last week. You might want to read it: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=200189.0 There is also a workshop about the topic: Why marriage counseling so often fails with BPD sufferers (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=117485.0) Individual therapy for her sounds like a better bet. If you support her (correctly) in it, you can help too. We have a couple articles that address support and getting her into therapy: Supporting a Loved-one with Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapy) Helping a loved one with BPD seek treatment (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy) I hope this isn't too much reading :) GK |