BPDFamily.com

Today marks two weeks since my exBPDbf broke up with me  There's been no contact. He and I had gone to a therapist together on a sporadic basis, but I've gone to her more regularly.  Still, she is personally connected to him in that he sometimes helps out with her elderly husband. My friends and family have hated that I have seen her as a patient.  They say she plays both sides.  Just day before yesterday, I saw her and she said he did call her to tell her he broke up with me. Yet she wouldn't share anything more than that, not his tone or whether he said anything else. She got very flustered when I pressed her for info because it came as a bit of a shock to me. What is aggravating is that I know she shares with him my personal emotions.  She did this with his ex girlfriend too. He would say to me, "Well, she tells me stuff she shouldn't about hit_ " ... .  Yes, I realize I should have found a new therapist a long time ago. So, my entire week and a half of no contact is basically thrown out the window because she will likely tell him I'm a shattered mess. 

I started with a new therapist yesterday -yes two therapists in two days. I like the new one quite a bit. Still, the pain is excruciating.  I feel as raw today as I did two weeks ago.

I am still not calling or texting, because, well I don't feel it's an option. 

The thought of him sexually with someone else is shredding me.  I bounce back and forth between anger and sadness.

I also know how his older woman ex operates and my creative imagination is in full swing, so I know she'll have him and his mother to her house for mother's day... .  I really can't stop my thoughts.

This is so difficult.  So painful. 

Good on you for finding a new counselor.  That is a great step in your healing.  I do recommend getting a pet if you don't have one already.  I was reading about a program that gives therapy dogs to returning veterans.  It helps them with their PTSD.  Brilliant.  It really helps to have someone that sincerely idealizes you, let's you hold them while you cry.

Grieving work involves the senses, taste, touch, smell, sight, sound.  A soothing bath, cuddling up in a warm blanket.  Nourishing soups.  Get a bunch of those grocery store flowers.  Play soothing music.  All this helps in the healing process.  A nice scented candle.  You get the idea.  :)

I have many pets, and they help, but this is beyond raw.  I so wish a bath or a candle would help my emotions but they don't.

I want to confront him so badly. I want to defend myself.  I have no way of doing so, and it's eating me alive.

I did lots and lots of obsessing on what he was doing, seeing, thinking.  Someday in the future you will no more care about this, than what the neighbor two blocks away is doing.  He will be following a pattern of doing what he does, use people to avoid the empty void inside himself.  He will betray the next partner and the next.  I would also comfort myself with knowing, his thoughts were running along the lines of "I think I'll have spaghetti for dinner tonight".

I'm so sorry, Siamese Rescue.  This is a huge betrayal by the therapist. I had a similar experience with an ex from 4 years ago -(suspected NPD and BPD, plus diagnosed PTSD).  After our breakup he contacted my therapist that we had seen once as a couple while we were together and asked her to be his therapist.  But I had been seeing her for 6 years, and knew her for 20 years.  So I got furious when she gave him a session after I broke up with him (I found out that he cheated on me with 3 different women).  Felt like triangulation (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0) to use the same therapist post break up.

I'm glad you found someone else.  :)on't worry about what she may be sharing with him now about you - it truly doesn't matter anymore.  

I know this just feels like it keeps getting worse, but the longer you have no contact the better it will get.  I'm almost at 2 months, and even though it's still rough I know I will survive and be a stronger person because of this.

Keeping you in my prayers... . xo

hey siamese rescue,

sorry to hear about the pain you are going through.

in case it helps, try and remember this period as the last bit of abuse that he has heaped on you, blame him for it, and remember that this is the way this man makes you feel.

every day that you stay strong and remain no contact with him, the closer you are to the end of the road to feeling good again. and you will get to a point where you will not care what he is doing, who he is seeing, and whose head he is messing with.

we are hear for you, and we care about you. your ex only cares about himself, whatever he might say.

hang in there, stay strong, remain no contact, and it will get better.

b2