BPDFamily.com

In my case it was my father. Being a quite man to begin with, her raging made him retreat even more to where ever his head took him. He had an "off" switch he must have used to tune her out. He did nothing to protect us.

Now he initiates phone calls to me by calling then saying "here talk to your mother" and puts her one the phone. Why, thanks dad. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps I didn't want to talk to her. After all, how many times do I want to hear that she call my brother for the millionth time to tell him how much she hates his "fat" wife... . I get it Claire, you hate her... .  tell her that and leave me alone! Of course because she is practically "Queen of the World" she has every right to do that. Once I said that you really shouldn't call him and tell him his wife is "a fat c***" yup she really says that and she really really didn't understand why not... .  she thinks because she feels something her entitlement allows her to run over anyone regardless of what her actions might do to hurt another... . as she would say "tough"

In the mean time she scream at my father 24/7... .  how the others at the co-op haven't called the cops on them is a miracle.

I kind of resent my father for using me to try and calm the raging beast. At this point, he made his bed , he can sleep on it.

It's never fun to be put in the position of having to fix someone else's issues, so I get where you're coming from. Many members here (including me) have enabling and co-dependent fathers. It's very frustrating.

My husband pointed out something to me once: it's so much easier for people like my father when the person with BPD (in this case, my mother) focuses her rages on someone else... .  anyone else... .  as long as they're not focused on him. It drives me crazy at times, but in the end, I know that he just cannot stand up to her. He can't. He's so afraid of losing her that he can't rock the boat. It's so much easier, then, to keep her focused on someone else (me, my SIL, the neighbors, a Starbucks barista, Anderson Cooper on tv, whoever happens to be convenient).

Can you have a relationship with your dad that's separate from the relationship you have with your mother? When he calls, do you have a way of keeping the conversations with him (or your mother) from going into discussion about your brother and SIL or other topics you're not comfortable with?

Yeah, I'm with you on this.  My dad just buckled.  Couldn't take it himself and so let her abuse me all she wanted.

It did make him angry.  Of course he took that out on me too.