BPDFamily.com

I have decided to go no contact with my uBPD mom.  I am struggling with how to explain this to my children (age 6 and 21 months).  Granted, the 21 month old really won't remember anything, but my 6 year old has had a relationship with her grandmother up to this point.  I have considered allowing my mother to continue seeing my kids, but just don't think I can do it unless she gets some serious help.  Any advice is greatly appreciated.  I have tried explaining to my daughter that her grandma is not well, but it is really an abstract concept for her to grasp as of yet at this age.

I'd steer clear of saying anything negative about your mother. At 6, your DD is old enough to repeat what she's heard (and if you do reconsile with your mother down the road, this may happen). The thought of Grandma being "sick," may also confuse or scare her. As you said, your 21 month old won't really know what's going on and won't be as affected.

The approach I'd take is something like, "Right now, Grandma and I need to take a time out from each other."


Now might be a good time to think about what you'd be comfortable with if you do decide to allow your mother to see your kids. My DH and I have agreed that our DS3 can see my parents with us, but cannot stay overnight with them or spend more than a few minutes with them unsupervised.

I am in the same place.  I went Low contact to practically no contact with my uBPD mom.  The kids are really not old enough to know, however my mom is pretty underhanded and goes over to my sisters when they are in her care while I am and my H are at work.  I include her in the Birthday parties, and bigger events like DD$ dance recitasl.  I leave the decision to her, if her and SD want to come or not.

It really has not been to hard, because the Kids have a very close relationship with MIL and FIL and that side of the family.  

That may change as they get older and they ask but for right now, we don't use their names if we talk about issues or if things are bothering me and we really keep the kids out of it.  Your DD6 may ask and I think you telling her that Grandma is not well is probably the best thing, say she has an owie in her head and it makes it hard to be around Grandma.  That you still love Grandma but it is difficult to be around her.

Good Luck Having Kids makes NC that much harder, especially when you see how good they can be with the kids, the only thing I remind myself about is that yes things were great when you were little as well, but when you began to assert some independence and have feelings and emotions of your own that is when the proverbial Sh$t hit the fan.  And our only job is to protect our own kids from that.