BPDFamily.com

So, my ex gf w BPD and I broke up a little over a month ago... .  at first it was mutual, but then i bargained and begged to get her back... .  at the time i didnt realize she was BPD until her idenitity completely changed over night... .  i knew that wasnt normal, so i reseached id disorders and found BPD which fit her like a glove... .  after we broke up she said she was adamant about not wanting to get back... .  and then she said nothing was official two days later. then she came over a few days later and we had sex, but she seemed to be different, distant, dissociating... .  All about sex, and not about intamacy. Anyway, i took her took a hockey game a few days after that... .  the first few hours of it went horrible... .  she was bhity and distant. tried to keep my composure, but she was being a witch... .  two thirds into the game... .  she decided to be nice to me... .  and rubbing my shoudlers and back... .  then we held hands on the ride home... .  then we had sex when we got back to my place... .  but she didnt want to stay the night bc she had plans with her stupid friends... .  when i dropped her off i asked for a hug, but she just reached over and gave me a quick dissmisive hug(she usually gets and out and gives me a bear hug) i feel she did this bc she was embarrased to give me a hug and kiss in front of her friend that she had painted me black... .  my ex said it would be akward if i introduced myself to her friend... .  that really pissed me off... .  but i blew it off the best i could... .  the thing i couldnt stand was when she left my apt. that last time she told me she wouldnt tell me if she was sleeping with someone else... .  I thought what a s&ut? why would she say that? again, blew it off, but then it really bothered me the next day... .  so i asked her what the heck was that about the next day? She said chill out!its none of your business, were not together anymore... .  basically after that, i went NC... .  been NC for 16 days... .  Anyway, last Thursday... .  she started liking a lot of my posts on FB... .  ( i blocked her, so she can only see what im posting... .  ) and one said, "Six more days, Thank Jeebus." i was referring to getting my lisc. back... .  it was suspended two days after she dumped me... .  (cold blooded) i asked myself, why would she care? It almost felt like a subtle wink  a few days later... .  she sends my mom a message at 730 am on mothers day... .  " i know things didnt end well between your son and I, but i wanted to wish a Happy Mother's Day. Have a wonderful day." my mom thought it was strange that she would message her as soon as she woke up... .  she mustve been thinking about me... .  My mom thought she was warming her up, so that she doesnt insist on us not getting back together? why else would she do that? then a few hours later she texted me... .  first time, NC between us was broken... .  "I got your card, and I wanted to text you, and tell you Thank you. :)" ONe hour later... .  "I dont' know why you have to ignore me. We're going to have to see each other eventually. You still have my jacket, shoes, and toothbrush... .  and i have your swimshorts... .  You might not want your stuff back, but I do." She left her shoes and jacket on purpose at my apt... .  She asked if she could leave it the last time she was there... .  Maybe, now that I have more info on her condition i can give it one more try... .  i know im settting myself up to get burned again, but i miss her company... .  oh, one more thing... .  like a lil over a week after we broke up i asked her if i was still invited to her graduation party... .  she said, why woulnt you be? next day, i asked her what day it would be... .  She replied, wont you feel akward being there since were not together anymore. i replied well, maybe well be back together by then... .  she said if we did get back together... .  i dont think it would be that soon... .  What would be the best thing to do if i want her back? just wait it out?oh, she updated her Plenty of Fish page... .  so i know shes looking for a replacement... .  Maybe shes just getting lonely, and thats why she broke NC? Thanks.

Confusing behaviors on the part of your ex for sure.

But I am a little confused about your story as well. Early on you say you went NC, and near the end you say she broke NC - even though it seems she wasn't ever NC - you were. Then you ask "What would be the best thing to do if I want her back?"  

If you want her back, maintaining NC just seems like you are game playing.  

I didn't read your other posts, so maybe I missed something, but if you want her back you should probably talk to her?

Before you take a step further, honest and thorough communication with your ex really ought to happen.

How do you both feel about things right now, how do you both feel about renewing the relationship, etc, and if you're NOT going to continue a relationship, then commit to how both of you will treat one another.

I definitely see mixed signals coming from her, but like tuum, I'm sort of confused about some of the things you said, too.

Did you BOTH explicitly agree to NC - as in, both explicitly agreed to break off all contact - during all the times it has happened?

no... .  i warned her that if she didnt treat me with respect even though we werent "together"... .  she refused even tho she said she still wanted me in her life... .  havent talked to her since... .  but she accepted a request i had sent her on FB to change her status from in a complicated r/s with me... .  So not sure what that means bc havnt talked to her about it? but i also saw that she updated her POF pictures recently, so she may just wanna keep me warm on the side, or is maybe just lonely and looking for company on POF?

You know, I am a Facebook user myself - wouldn't get near POF - at least if I already had a "fish" or knew which one I wanted. 

I may be old fashioned, but assessing your ex's feelings for you based on her postings on social media does not seem like a good plan.   

I dont look at what she posts... .  i thought i explained that... .  She can only see what i post... .  i disabled being able to see her posts. However, I saw that her caption for POF had changed from 2 weeks ago, meaning she had used it recently... .  why the hell would she change her status on Facebook to its complicated? if she didnt wanna give it one more shot? i know i need to open lines of communication, but when? i just got my lisc. back today, and i dont wanna c to eager to see her now that i can... .  Im planning on waiting a few days, and then contacting her... .  

but i understan where your coming from... .  she obvioiusly doesnt wanna be with me if shes looking around on POF... .  doesnt matter what her stupid FB status says... .  shes a whore... .  Sucks being alone tho... .  just want her company for the next few months... .