BPDFamily.com

You guys. I really messed up. She told me in an email to stay out of her life and I just contacted her friend.

I am worried she is going to get a restraining order against me.

What can I do?

nothing.  what's done is done.  forgive yourself and try not to worry about what MIGHT happen.  I'm sorry this is stressing you out and wish I could give you some really great words of wisdom, but I can't.  She will do whatever she is likely to do and you have no control over that.  You can only control what you do. 

Depends on where you live and who she goes to to get one... .  

Where I am (not the US). If she does get one there's not a lot you can do except follow it. No contact to her directly or indirectly - in person, mail, internet, friends, family, clergy, work. No skywriting (yes, it's happened), no letters to the editor (that's happened too), no flowers, no gifts and no dedicated songs on the radio or internet.

If she gets one - just follow it and don't put yourself at risk of more problems.

I'm so bummed out. She has been in AA and getting some type of therapy. But she manipulated me in to blasting some nutso text messages. I am accountable for my actions. Totally my fault. I sent her an apology letter after 4 months of no contact. Her dad died, and relapsed at my house... .  and I kicked her out and told her she blew it. Now she says I blew it. I can't win with her. It's so sad because I know she loves me... .  I am very sensitive and I sense evil all around her, but not in her. She is poisoned by her environment. Her sponsor is a malignant narcissist, and her sister is possibly sociopathic and I dislike both immensely... .  and they have her under their wraps.

I am sure l look like a nutcase to all the people in her life. She is excellent at maintaining her composure when I am at an arms length... .  I am starting to wonder whether she has BPD or just heavy Borderline traits. I mean she has threatened to cut my dick off, and told me she wanted to kill me. That's reason enough to find someone else? She seems to be working so hard on herself... .  she was a little bit more expressive of her emotions and boundaries, and I just lost it... .  I am in counseling twice a week and recently quit smoking pot after 10 years of use... .  and I hit her up recently after some tough realizations about how I treated her... .  

I'm really bummed you guys. I think my mom has BPD. I love this woman so much... .  I believe she has the ability to change. She seems to be getting better... .  very slowly. I know I could meet someone else... .  but I keep seeing signs in my life that make me think that her and I are supposed to be together.

I know this is "magical thinking". The signs might just be there because I am looking for them. I have studied quantum mechanics and am a near genius. I understand the world in a different way than most people. I see patterns in nature and in life. I know this might sound narcissistic, but it's just the truth.

I read pride and prejudice for the first time. And it's bizarre that the story reminds me of her life. It's a 200 year old love story, and it reminds me of our relationship. It reminds me of her life. History repeats itself.

I think some of the mental disorders, or certain traits are actually mutations that will eventually lead to evolved brain activity in humans. There seems to be something very important about my relationship with this woman. I know this sounds crazy... .  but if you knew the things that I knew about technology and the logic and philosophy of science, I would be able to explain it to you.

My parents have some pretty severe psychological problems, my uncle is a sociopath, and my aunt and uncle are both child psychologists... .  

What am I supposed to do? I feel like this is the woman that I want to be with. I feel like her and I make each other better, while she maintains that we make each other worse. I have realized that just like love and hate, better and worse are just two sides of the same coin... .  it seems like us triggering each other, actually brings positive change.

The worse we feel, the more we look outside of ourselves for healthy ways to heal and stabilize. I don't have any personality disorders, however I feel I have some borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic traits.

My friends tell me I remind them of matt damon in goodwill hunting, and at my worst Russel crowe in beautiful mind. My exwBPD makes me happy... .  brings out loving feelings inside of me, she is my muse and inspiration. I love a lot of people, but I love her the most by far. And it's not just an addiction.

What can I do? Just move on? How? I disagree with aspects of the DSM, and the labeling seems counter productive and puts people in boxes, just like AA (BLAH). She keeps putting up photos and messages to tease me on facebook. We have been blocking eachother back and forth... .  I know underneath the layers of abuse she's received by her child molester father, and her BPD mother that she loves me.

I have extremely high sensitivity, and I am learning to harness it... .  I can sense someone with BPD from at least 15 feet away. The weed helped keep me grounded, and allowed me to dumb myself down... .  it allowed me to handle more emotional abuse... .  and now the emotions are coming out.

I feel much more optimistic about everything at this point. I realize this relationship has addictive characteristics, and I realize that most people like the easy way out... .  but I like the challenge of the BPD relationship. It distracts me from my work, but it somehow feels more productive... .  I don't know if that makes sense... .  

I have adopted an extremely abused dog... .  he was vicious and had separation anxiety. 2 years later he is the most loving and empathetic animal that you would ever meet... .  I love these types of transformations. It gives me hope.

I understand my exwBPD isn't a dog, and has left brain functionality missing... .  but I am both brained, and her right brain is overdeveloped and I absolutely love it... .  

Haha. You guys must think im out of my mind. So I guess I will hope that she doesn't put a restraining order on me. But I won't contact her until I have dealt with my lingering anger about these terrible bullies that are brain washing her, and destroying her.