BPDFamily.com

My BPDbf and I have been together for just over two years and we have a two month old daughter together. I feel like I would be screwing up so bad if I left him, mainly because of our daughter. I want her to grow up with both of her parents and in a loving home and all that, and I feel like that's never going to happen if I don't try to stick it out with her dad. Then again, I read somewhere on here that it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one, and I'm afraid that her home will be very broken if I stay. Don't get me wrong, I love my BPDbf very much. He makes me happy and laugh (unless he's having an episode, which is most of the time now) and we have a lot more in common than I've had with anybody else. But I just feel so depressed, lonely, angry, and stressed in our relationship now. We're constantly fighting, he's constantly drinking. I feel like it's all my fault because he's always turning it around on me and trying to guilt trip me. When I try to point out that an argument is his fault (I do admit when it's my fault, also) or that he's the one who got angry first it just keeps escalating. He can never let anything go. He turns everything around to benefit him and to get his way, whether it's by suicide threats (and two half-ass attempts), crying, or ignoring me. I give into him every single time now because I'm just so tired of it all. I do want to make things work, I just don't see it happening. I'm just afraid to leave him. I'm afraid of what he'll do. I'm afraid of how I'll feel. I'm afraid for my daughter, also, that she won't ever have a dad, whether he's her biological dad or not.

have you checked out the FOG section here, maybe that is part of it, fear, obligation, and guilt

And the do's and don'ts for making a relationship work, with someone who has BPD.

It does take 2 people to work on a relationship, is he willing to work on it and make the relationship better.

Its great that you care for your 2 month old daughters well being, and growing up with a dad. Have you ever told your bf about how you feel and with bringing up the daughter in a healthy atmosphere?

I wish you the best and hope things work out the best for you and your family... .  keep posting!

For many reasons its not good to stay for the kids: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61666.0

He is disordered/reality is distorted – this is not your fault.

Its possible his stress levels have increased due to the birth. What do you when he begins to rant and rage?

Are you unsure if he is the father?

Usually when he has one of his episodes I used to just let him do it and sympathize with him and everything. But lately I've been so stressed myself that I would get angry back at him.

He's never lied to me, always been straight up with me, and even if he was trying to hide something from me he would always end up telling me eventually. That's how I know he hasn't had any extra stress from the baby or anything. He's been acting the same as he has been for the last few months.

I am 100% sure he's the father. We've been in a committed relationship for two years and never even had a thought that one of us was cheating.

Here's my opinion:

It is your job as a parent to protect your child from unhealthy and damaging situations.  That means it is your job to learn how to set serious boundaries and follow through with them regarding your bf.  If you are unable to hold to these boundaries that would shield the child and/or he will not respect them, then the next step would be to create whatever distance needed to be able to do so.

Definitely do not marry a person who is this unhealthy and toxic.  You don't move your family TOWARD abuse, you move it away from it.

The only confusing thing will be your feelings for the person, but feelings don't equal facts.  I struggled with this myself. 

Finding the right things is actually pretty EASY.  It's accepting it and following through with it that is hard.

You are CORRECT:  you are in a situation where NO answer is ideal.  Now you have to choose the lesser of two evils.  I'm not saying that it means this guy HAS to be cut out of your life.  I'm saying learn all you can, get help to learn what are healthy boundaries if you can't see in the middle of the craziness and be willing to follow through. 

If you don't you and your child will suffer greatly until you do.  And that is where the most damage will occur.