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My relationship with my d-ex-BPD-gf ended about 3 months ago. I am doing okay so far. I am seeing a therapist and I went through some tough times, but there was only one quick recycle (thankfully  ). The latest "phase" of NC/LC has been me becoming invisible. She turns away if we have any type of eye contact and pretends that I do not exist. Some of you out there have experienced that too.

My question is, what is next? Is there another stage of BPD breakup? Am I closer to the recycle heap (God forbid!) ?  What has been your experience?

Thank you.

My experience phase I, at first there was a flurry of emails and texts. She never once asked me to come home but her goal was to guilt me into. Sending me pics of the kids sleeping or pics of the dog. Bringing up past good times.

I would get invited over for dinner and would spend the night having sex but then always wound up getting pushed away. All the while I'm thinking she wants to get back together but still finds ways to push me away. This pull and push lasted a couple of months, then contact became less common and more erratic, where as she used to text me every night all night.

Phase II, seemed like she used the no contact rule or that's what it felt like to me. If I texted, I wouldn't hear back from her. Then suddenly a slow buildup of texts until it was an all night thing again. Get me over to spend the night. Show her true colors again and push me away.

Phase III, she cut me out completely and I just posted in my thread, she found a new "friend." Each phase lasted about two months.

My problem is I have a daughter with her. I miss my daughter immensely. Deep down, if she had asked me to come home, I would of for my daughters sake. So I let myself get suckered in only to find her pushing me away.

I guess if I used the no contact or low contact rule I may not have endured all of that pull and push and I might be in a better place than I am now so I may have prolonged my own agony?

This describes my experience so well, too.  Our 2nd cycle lasted about 2 months.  He was in touch everyday until that first time we had sex again.  The very next day, nothing.  Sex and emotional intimacy are definite triggers for my uBPDxbf.  Contact became less and less frequent until I couldn't take the push/pull anymore.

No one knows, DA, if this is the final push or if there will be another pull-cycle.  My ex is the type who never truly, 100% lets go of me.  After he paints me black and get some distance, eventually, I'm white again.  I have to resist that now.  Some pwBPD cut people out of their lives and never look back.  Either way, it's painful.

Thank you itd1959!

I appreciate your input!

It does sound like the old push-pull mechanism now that you mention it  :light:

I compare it to a giant rubber band. Some stretch farther out and run for a longer period of time before they snap back . .each one is different . . .   food for thought.  

I wonder what "trips" the pwBPD to start pulling again? Do they run out of available candidates and then go through their closets of memories? or do they get lonely/desperate enough and suddenly paint you a lighter shade?

Wow... .  This is exactly what I am going through right now... .  I have been married to my BPD husband for three years... .  He has left me three times... .  and always came back. This last time it has been the longest.  I will get the silent treatment for a week or two... .  Then he will text me... .  wants to see me... .  This last stunt he pulled was the hardest... .  He seen me for about a week... .  He talked about coming back... .  we even went and looked at new homes... .  I should have known something was wrong... .  before that... .  he told me that he had wished he had never met me... .  I would never see him again... .  then boom... . he loved me and wanted to move back in... .  So the very next day he went back to his parents... .  and I had mentioned something about him moving back in... .  Then he just lets me have it... .  basically that I am an idiot if I though he was moving back in without me putting in the work and solving our issues... .  that is was my problem because I got my hopes up and to deal with it... .  But this is very interesting to read... .  the push-pull method... .  I don't know why I keep letting him do this to me... .  He is never going to change... .  And he is never going to come back... .  Thanks for posting... .