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Ok - I'm sorry to post twice in one day - but today we had a quad softball game for my daughter.  During this game my stbex uBPDw was laughing and smiling more than I've seen her doing for years - if not our 19 years together.  It made me question - was she really that miserable with me?  Is she really that happy now?  But other times I would look at her and she just looked miserable.  So is it me?  Was I that bad? Was she so unhappy with me? and at other times I would ask is she sorry, does she have regrets, is she soo unhappy now? I know better I really do - but seeing her like that made me start to question again - is it an act?  Ugh - I wish I could go NC - no sight ... .  it would make this soo much easier.  Sorry to post again - but every time I see her it sets me back days, weeks, or months.

I wish it was possible for you to go NC too, Cal644.  That's why I can't be around my ex.  I'm sure he's acting (maybe even feeling) super happy right now.  Nothing is more painful than feeling you're dispensable.  But remember that there really is something wrong with their brains.  They feel great in new relationships, and then just keep repeating the same patterns.  It will be some poor guy's misfortune next time to have her repeat the same patterns with him.  On the other hand, you will be free from all the drama.

Remember Cal, the disorder is characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, and an unstable self-image.  There's a continuous storm between their ears which has nothing to do with us, and hanging around will just get us blown away.  May you find or create a way to get some emotional distance so you can heal.

Hi Cal!

Some pwBPD actually feel relieved when they part ways with us. They have been dreading and anticipating the abandonment throughout the whole relationship. When it comes at last, they think, see I knew this would happen, now I can relax!

Best Wishes,

Val78

I think it's a front they put on or it maybe the illness, like others have said, they don't feel or see things the same way we do. Mine is always posting on facebook all of the wonderful things she is doing and how good her life is. She tells the kids things so it gets back to me about how "Nice" mom is now or where they went and how much fun they had.

I've had some of the same experiences you've had where I am at the kids games and she's laughing and joking with others and looking like life is great. Meanwhile, I'm miserable inside but pretend I'm doing okay.

In summation, based on my experiences with my gf and the act she put on for her ex-husband and how wonderful our life was but behind closed doors, out of sight of friends and the ex, I saw her deeply depressed and I would suffer the wrath. So things weren't quite so rosy as she made them appear to other people.