BPDFamily.com

So in therapy we were talking about if I had any remaining guilt about the way things ended (as I used to have a lot).

I said a little - we stopped talking because of circumstances surrounding his father's death.  When I reminded my therapist of this, she said:

"Are you sure his father died?"

I said, "Excuse me?"

She repeated the question and said borderlines have been known to do worse.

I said, "That's a pretty huge trump card, don't you think."

She said,

"Trust me.  Some borderlines would."

And I just sat there.  Turning it over in my mind. 

... .  Wow.

That must have been something of a   moment for you there.

Though your therapist has a point, I would also like to point this out, too:

Yes, lying and cheating can characterize a multitude of psychiatric-related disorders... .  

But 'nons' have been known to lie, cheat, and do whatever else... .  especially when put on the spot... .  but perhaps without the same frequency or compulsiveness... .  and I don't think it's quite fair to generalize and say, "Trust me, some Borderlines would."

Some PEOPLE in general, would.

I have heard supposed 'nons' call in sick to work or flake out on something for, "So and so died," or, "So and so is very very sick," reasons... .  only to find out said so-and-so never died or was sick, etc in the first place.

Lie or no lie, a relationship involving a severely emotionally dysregulated and mentally disordered partner is a unique challenge of its own - one that even therapists will struggle with in a professional setting.

No one is a super person.  You cannot ever be expected to 'fix' everything.  Even someone who is very skilled in all the tools to help increase mindfulness and more BPD-oriented communication cannot be expected to 'fix' everything and be able to 'stand' and 'put up with' the chaos that BPD can be at times.

If you think you ought to have been able to, if you keep carrying blame that isn't yours to carry, then perhaps the origin of guilt needs to be examined some more... .  outside the context of the former BPD partner.

Barring using retreating as a negative coping tool owing to reasons related to mental illness issues, no excuse is necessary to step back and reinforce boundaries to preserve one's health.  No excuse is necessary to step back and even leave to preserve one's health.

Lies.  Mine told me she had a heart attack and spent the weekend in the hospital, when she was actually screwing some guy.  Oh, and how about she said she broke her collar bone, got raped, went on a 10 day juice cleanse, used to make $12K a month, was a devout Mormon, got beat up by 4 guys, the double D fake boobs were an 'accident', and we were in a monogamous relationship.  All lies.  I'm positive there is no reshaping of the truth she wouldn't have stooped to to preserve her version of reality.  Sad.  And in my denial I bought all of it.  Also sad.  Moving forward... .  

It's not sad that you believed the untruths.It's projection on your part.You think others hold the same values as you do,but in reality,they all don't.

I guess the keywords here are "some Borderlines". I know my ex would never misconstrue something like that.

To get back to the facts: If his father died that was likely to be a huge trigger for him which lead him to push those away who were close to him.