BPDFamily.com

I've been off for a while attending to family and medical issues.  I'm still in the same situation where I am living separately from my uBPDh who is also an alcoholic but we are still in a relationship.  We talk daily and see each other weekly.

Sigh... .  my oldest son graduated high school yesterday and I've been really busy with my kids' stuff for the last couple of weeks with prom, end of the year projects, tests, and graduation.  Yep!  H and I were going to try and see each other Friday night but I had too much last minute stuff.  Of course, he blamed me for procrastinating, but I had a really busy week. 

My sons don't like him very well due to his drinking but he told me he'd go to graduation with me.  Then Friday, he told me he made other plans with his kids.  And he gave me a hard time intermittently via text and voicemail since Friday.  Finally yesterday evening as I was preparing to take my son out for dinner with my extended family, I texted him I'm sorry you feel ignored and neglected.  It's been a big week.  He responded "me too."

The interesting thing is that he's been pretty supportive and mature as I've become depressed and at the same time found out I have high blood pressure that developed over the last six months.  Then with his temper tantrum over the weekend he gave me a hard time for taking medication for the blood pressure and depression. 

He has a hard time with holidays, birthdays, and vacations.  I guess we can add graduations to the list.

The passive aggressive behaviors and the intermittent texts really bother me. I'm sorry about that whole mess. I know what its like to be made to feel bad simply for having too many things to tend to. It makes me feel like a real jerk, when I never had any intention to hurt anyone. Usually I get those apology texts after things have hit the fan, but it seems like sometimes it is only used to get me back into close proximity so the shaming can continue. But at the same time, I know they are capable of love and they do have feelings. Seeing that better side to them is nice, but it can also make things very confusing.

I have experienced the holidays, birthdays, and vacations. I haven't enjoyed a vacation in some time and birthdays have become a time of dread for me.