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Title: One year later Post by: DivorcedNon on May 19, 2013, 12:31:35 PM Exactly one year ago i became aware of my then wife's BPD. In early June we had a successful mediation and we got divorced. Our mediator was a retired and prominent judge. Towards the end of mediation he asked me with a disgusted expression on his face:"Why did you marry her?". I told him that i had my matching daemons that lead me into marrying her. My lawyer thought that it was i fair answer.
My last communication with het was when i told her in a very short email that i new about her and my replacement who by the way was her colleague who i knew very well. This was in early May 2012. Since then she tried to call me and email me. I have not answered her phone calls, emails. I never read her emails and i deleted voice mails without listening to them. I will continue to have zero contact with her for the rest of my life. I have no problem with NC. Few months after divorce i totally quit reading about BPD and participating ob BPD forums. That was part of my recovery. One year anniversary of these very unpleasant events triggered my somewhat and brought some anger and sadness again. I realized yet again but now with more clarity and less anger and sadness that marriage was doomed the moment we met and i could do nothing about it! In case of BPD love does not move mountains. We tried to reconcile, i worked on my self and made a good progress. She admitted to it. However, that is exactly what pwBPD do not want. They do not want healthy people because then for sure you will abandon them. That is the crazy part. You cannot win. As the experts here point out: Disorder will win at the end. I started dating recently and it is scary. A couple of girls may have BPD. They sort of admitted it. I cut them off. Finding a healthy person is still a new thing for me. If i can chose one word to be a lesson for me it is Boundaries. I watch for boundaries in people and i am trying improve mine. I am work in progress and will be for the rest of my life. The battery on my iPad is low :) You all have a great day! Title: Re: One year later Post by: Murbay on May 19, 2013, 07:52:28 PM DivorcedNon, I can totally see where you are coming from with this.
My divorce papers were signed 2 weeks ago yesterday and 2 weeks today is when I left the house. It was painful because when I look back to the start of the relationship, I knew then that something was wrong and tried to put a stop to it 2 months in. My wife flew 3,500 miles to come and see me and that changed my mind completely. I knew she had abandonment issues, though she never talked about where they rose from but had I known then, what I know now I may very well have just kept walking 3 years ago. The turning point that ended our marriage was when she finally had me convinced I had issues so I went to therapy to sort myself out. That's when I found out it was the wife who had BPD because the therapist I saw, she got in there first to try and convince him the issues were all mine. I guess someone with 20+ years of experience can see straight through it. Either way, he set to work on helping me get back to a healthy level and the healthier I got, the angrier the wife got. Even to the point of calling the therapist a few times to put him in his place. The worst part of all, was the look in her eyes at knowing I was getting healthier and it triggered the abandonment issues. She filed for divorce as fast as quickly as possible. It has hurt because had she been upfront with me, I would have stood beside her every step of the way. Instead she decided to push me out of the way in case I abandoned her first. |