BPDFamily.com

Not sure if this is the right forum to ask this but... .  

Should I be worried that my BPDex might become violent towards me?  

At this point I'm terrified of her.  If I ever see her or hear her voice I become fearful.

Reason I ask is I've been watching the Jodi Arias trial the last few months.  For those unfamiliar, she's a woman in Arizona who stalked then murdered her boyfriend.  The prosecution believes she has BPD.  She finally snapped when he broke things off with her for good.  

My BPDex hasn't been violent towards me but has made verbal threats towards her other ex's.  I've seen her get physical with others (friends/family) she's upset with.  She'll grab people and shake them to "get her point across."  And can be physically intimidating.

Honestly, I've been worried a lot she might try something.  Since her thinking has become delusional.  One of her friends texted me and threatened to "beat me up" for hurting her best friend.  I hope I'm just being paranoid.  But last week she showed up at my friends house unannounced to return an item I'd left at her place 2 months ago.  I just hate living in fear.  

Thanks.  

I suppose someone does not have to be BPD to be violent if you think about it. Being BPD in my experience with my wife (soon to be ex) was never a violent relationship per se.

But she has threatened me with all sorts of litigation once we separated. Which can equal the same outcome. Something you didn't bargain for nor wanted.

I have stayed completely away from her for 6 months. I don't even know where she lives and I am no longer willing to contact her in any way. That has been left up to my attorney. If anything, the Jodi Arias trial goes to show people are capable of anything.

The best bet for me is to stay away as far as possible and to not trigger anything at all. No communication so far has brought the desired result.

Hi Detach, In my experience, those w/BPD have intense feelings of anger which can escalate into rage when they get unregulated (e.g., punching a hole in the wall, breaking down a bedroom door) so be careful and do what you need to do to maintain your boundaries.  I don't find your concerns off-base at all.  My suggestion is that you limit contact with your Ex to public places and that you try to avoid your Ex in any private setting where things can get out of hand.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim

Mine was violent, first verbally, then with objects (breaking things, punching walls) and finally choking me.  Yes, it was a reaction to escalation on prescribed medications for his bipolar, but I'm still the one who got the bruises on the neck.  LuckyJim has good, solid advice.  Please be careful. 

I think spaceace has given the right answer to this, yes they can but then again so can anybody with anger and control issues.

My ex was only physical twice but there were signs of it when someone upset or annoyed her, in the case of kicking objects across the room while storming out in a tantrum. However, she doesn't accept she is violent and it is everybody else's fault, especially mine that she is the way she is.

The first "attack" came after a 3 hour argument she created because I turned left instead of right. I went to pick up our baby because she woke up during this disagreement and that's when my ex pushed me out of the way. Later telling me that I should be thankful and grateful she is such a caring and protective mother.

The second time she threw hot coffee all over me. We were sat outside and I was trying to explain to her that something she had said the previous night had been hurtful and offensive. She exploded in a rage and I made the mistake of telling her that it was no wonder people are afraid to speak to her at times when she behaves this way. I stood up to leave and that's when she grabbed the coffee cup and threw it all over me. Again, that was my fault because I was stood in the doorway and she couldn't get past.

So yes, people with BPD can become violent but then so can a lot of other people if they are prone to rages.

I think that Jodi Arias has many comorbid mental health issues going on besides BPD.  Most likely NPD and sociopath... . if you are really afraid file a restraining order, especially since threats are involved... . don't wait for somethingto happen!

I can't say that your BPD is going to get violent.

I know mine did.

It doesn't hurt to prepare yourself. Don't wait untill it's too late. I did and I regret it big time.

Yikes!  This reminds me of what my therapist friend called "violent fantasies" that my uBPDxbf had.  He said he'd imagined throwing cups of hot liquid on people and also putting cigarettes out on their eyes.  Thank goodness he never demonstrated any physical violence toward me.

The advice already given is wise.  Do whatever you need to do to protect your boundaries and preserve your safety.

Prepare yourself... . when I called off the wedding 4 weeks before the alter after I found out she was engaged to another guy the whole time we were getting back together the second time(she never left her one bf ... . with him for past 8 years)... . I never experienced such rage.  She sucker punched me then came at me with fists flying, feet kicking and every obscenity you can imagine including my deceased wife in those obscenities!  She would not leave.  She even took out a knife from my kitchen and threw it on the kitchen island.  This was the worst... . I've seen her throw her phone at my wall when in a rage... . its really ugly and scary.  She is 5'5"/125 lbs... . I am 5'11" 200lbs, work out everyday... . strong but had to muster all my strength to hold her down till teh rage subsided... . she does exhibit behaviors and characteristics of Borderline... . Narcissistic and Histrionic disorders from what I am told by my therapist is a very dangerous combination... . which i've experienced.  So be on your guard at all times if you still see her... . you never know what will trigger this pent up rage.  Be safe my friend!

I'll definitely do that.  Luckily there's no reason for me to see her outside of a support group we both attend which is big enough I can avoid her.  I told her in my last email to her that we weren't going to be getting together one on one ever again.  

Luckily at this point I believe she's moved onto a new guy to drive crazy.  So hopefully she'll just stalk him 24/7 instead of me.  The poor schmuck. :)

Mine once told me "I hit first". It was out of the blue. No context. Sent a chill down my spine.

She never hit me but I never forgot her statement. Glad she is long gone.

The first time she gets violent, call the police. Dial 9-1-1

I let my diagnosed stbxBPDw beat me 4-5 times a year for over 8 years. Only a couple of times could you tell I had been beaten. The last time she beat me, I tried to restrain her. The only think I could grab was her throat, so I did and held her until she stopped hitting me. As she was hitting me while I had my hands on her throat, it left marks on her neck. The next morning she was apologetic and asked me to dinner that night. When I got home to get ready for our date, the police were waiting for me. They wouldn't let me make a complaint against her. Straight to jail I went. I was told by one police officer that basically she beat me to the punch.

Call the police if you get hit. It doesn't stop. It gets worse. If you have to defend yourself, you'll face criminal charges just like me. Although I have a good case for self-defense, nothing is guaranteed.

And the problem is that 99% of the time the DV occurs without witnesses.  So it's your word against the others.  And somehow your spouse, ex, whoever, whatever, will most likely be far more emotionally convincing as professed victim or target than you can ever be.

Sad to say, you have to protect yourself.  I had a recorder and though I was virtually terrified to have it with me in case I was found out, I felt what I recorded was my insurance that I wasn't the one behaving badly.  Fortunately I recorded the incident when the police were called (by me) or else I would very likely have been sunk.  But it turned out I also had an unexpected ace up my sleeve, or rather, on my sleeve.  When the police arrived our preschooler was sobbing quietly in my arms.  When the officer asked me to hand him over to his mother and step away (to be carted off? I never found out) my son started shrieking and clung to me even tighter.  The officer looked at me for a long moment, said "work it out" and they left.  Wow, my son saved me that day.