BPDFamily.com

So... . uBPDh left for the time being. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=201872.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=201872.0)

And I am feeling really unsettled.  It's a complicated feeling.  At first I was kind of relieved that he finally shut up so we don't have go to round and round in a circle anymore, then now of course I miss him and I also start wondering if I had been wrong... .

Can someone please tell me whether I am still in the FOG?  I felt that I set a boundary by cutting conversation when it is just going round and round with no hope of stopping (as I have asked him for hours whether we could leave it for the time being but it was ignored), that it was for our good, but I am starting to doubt myself now... . !

I feel as if you did the right thing. The argument was not going to go anywhere and probably only deteriorate further. In my experiences though with my uBPDw, if I cut off a conversation that is going nowhere she claims I have made her feel invalidated; it's a catch 22. My advice would be to enjoy the peace but just like you I would miss my wife immediately. So I guess there is no right answer. You made a choice, see where it leads and his reaction to it later.

I'll agree with Dante on this.  If it's a circular argument and you're caught up in it, your best bet is to stop it.  It's likely that they will react in a way that we don't expect when we do something differently.  Why wouldn't they?  When the rules of the game change, the players have to do things differently and that can be a bit scary for everyone.  Change is difficult. 

I know the feeling of self-doubt and I can't tell you not to feel it~~just know that you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and break a cycle of dysfunction.

Hi Chosen

In my experience i always find myself in that catch 22 situation. No matter what you do. They have the ability to make everything feel like its your fault. And maybe its this thought that you should not believe.