BPDFamily.com

Really it isn't a social visit, My daughters very first dance recital is this weekend, and in keeping with my boundaries that I set up for my self and my family, I always said I would keep them involved with the kids, (Birthdays, Big Events, Etc) They (Mom and Enstepdad) are not allowed to see them unsupervised, and since she has not said anything to me really for the last 4 months, not even an acknowledgement of the cards the kids and I sent her for Mother's day, it hasn't been an issue.

I just needed to come here and vent some of my anxiety, my DH, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and His wife will all be there, besides them, so I doubt she will start anything, I just have anxiety that I will not have the Strength to say, this is not about you, if you choose to behave this way you need to leave, if she starts making her usual scenes (crying uncontrollably as if DD4 is her own child and trying to claim her accomplishments as her own etc.) Mind you she has not once in the last almost year, of LC and in the last 4 months of little to no contact called to check on them, and other than underhandedly going to see them when my sister is watching them and going around me (which is a story for another day) she has made no attempts to see them. I guess I just worry that she is going to make others uncomfortable, it's been like that for as long as I can remember, she does something strange or says something rude and I am left to clean up after her or apologize for her. 

I have gotten to a point that I don't feel the need to do that anymore, and My Husbands Family is very aware of what is going on with them so I know that any odd behavior will be chalked up to her crazy. 

I guess I just don't want to ruin my DD4's big day, and that I just want to be able to relax and enjoy the day with her, without having to deal with uBPD moms special brand of attention whoring behavior. 

Geez why can't it ever just be easy, why do I always have to have a plan in place or a worst case scenario in my head to plan for the worst and hope for the best, I hate that I always have to do this, it makes me so damn angry and resentful. 

DG, anticipating can be stressful. Are you able to trust that you can protect you and your immediate family if you need to?

The "others" - you cannot protect them - its not your responsibility its theirs. If you feel responsible for MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and His wife its no wonder you feel overwhelmed and resentful. Only you can choose to not feel this way.

Being emotional mature and responsible allows for you to protect you and kids - remind yourself of some boundary statements you can pull on

"I'm not OK with that"

"Please stop blaming, otherwise I will remove myself"

"I'm not comfortable with this conversation"

"I do not wish to have this conversation here. We will talk when its OK for us both"