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Title: Extinction Burst and NC? Post by: confetti on May 24, 2013, 04:58:05 PM I have a question... .
I had a very irregular form of responding to my exBPDbf before I went NC 5 months ago. I don't think he knew that I was going to really leave him, promised to send my things, told me he sent them. What do you know... . my things never showed up. This upset me GREATLY. Loads of money lost along the way, it's just stuff... . but was this extinction burst? He began to get really violent through messages (threatening to kill me, then straight into asking me to visit which is frightening) when I stopped asking for the stuff back, or responding in general. It seemed like a desperate plea and he is still trying to reach me in very indirect ways. No contact what-so-ever. He knows the hook isn't there. So what gives? Title: Re: Extinction Burst and NC? Post by: GreenMango on May 25, 2013, 02:05:41 AM These relationships aren't necessarily the epitome of maturity. It could be an extinction burst - trying to see how far he needs to go to get your attention. It could just be him not following through on commitments - would it be the first time?
Do you need the stuff? Maybe that stuff isn't as important as your overall well being. I know it's difficult and it sounds like theres a part that wants to make sense of this. Sometimes that is the hard part - trying to make sense of something that doesn't really make sense. Take a look at the lessons for the Leaving Board - there's some pretty good stuff in there. |