BPDFamily.com

Although my BPDex has been out of my life for a while now, and I'm a good deal down the road of detachment & healing, I do sometimes for various reasons lurk at the "Staying" and the "Undecided" boards here.


What I've noticed on those 2 boards is a lot of struggle, pain, turmoil, frustration, confusion, etc.

Seems many there are trying to make it work (or are questioning whether it can even work at all)-- but have a good deal of trouble doing so, despite their efforts & good intentions. I do feel for them, pray for them, & wish them all the luck.

It goes to show how brutal, taxing & unfortunate the disorder can be, I think. And how much it can affect those closest to a pwBPD, taking a great toll in all kinds of ways.


I believe those boards, for those here on this one, can remind us what we went through, ourselves. Of where we've been at different stages in our own lives & relationships.

It can also help remind us here that perhaps moving on is truly best for us as individuals. That we tried our best, maybe even going above & beyond. That we are not failures. And that although we may have our own issues (who doesn't! :) ), we've come to realize that BPD is a mental illness.

Again: BPD is a mental illness.


In the end, we could only do so much. We could not change them, fix them, rescue them, or pretend they were somebody else who we wished they would be.

In the end, we needed to protect ourselves psychologically, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, etc.

And although it may not seem like it at times, it is most definitely worth it. |iiii

Thank you for the encouragement - well said!

I too have been out of the relationship for awhile.  In the beginning I was on here all the time - lately not so much.  My therapist tells me not to research the illness so much and at times I am in agreement but other times not so much!  When I'm really struggling these boards remind me I'm not alone and I'm not losing it.

Very positive, and excellent insight!

I hate seeing so much pain on these boards, but it does remind me of how serious this all is.  And that I'm not crazy for the way she treated me.  People really DO behave like that!

Seeing worse stories also helps, as it reminds me of what life could have been like for me if she hadn't have dumped me out of the blue!

Keep on keeping on :) x

... . after calling off the wedding with my ex BPD/NPD last summer because I found out she was with another guy the whole time, I wanted to understand how someone could do this to another person knowing full well what I just went through loosing my sife to cancer.  So I researched the heck out of this disorder... . pulled pieces together from her family memebers when she was young and the chaotic relationships hse has had with other men and her family... . at teh end of the day for me... . what has finally made it easier to detach is me looking at this form the POV that she is a lying, cheating woman, who I do not need/want in my life!  I choose to leave it at that.  I found I was obsessing with WHY/HOW could/can this happen... . especially to me!  This prolonged the detachment for me because I was looking for a reason to still Love her!  When I just looked at her for what she did to me... . it was definetley easier to not love her... . how could I... . and actually start to think about... . OK... . now what... . who am I... . what do I want... . and put together a plan.  BTW... . I'm in Florida with my loving sister and her family... . saw Crosby Stills and Nash at Biloxi Hard Rock... . Man they still got it for some old boys like me! I am doubly lucky/fortunate becasue I have a specila gaurdian who watches over me at all times... . she is always with me!