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Title: How to reframe negative "alone" thinking? Post by: Healing4Ever on May 28, 2013, 09:05:18 AM I don't think my thinking is helping me very much
I'm going through a number of celebratory moments over the past month and into the next month - major birthday, graduating from university with my 2nd degree, completing a registration exam, mother's day, etc. etc. etc. All I can think (I have my grad ceremony coming up and my exam will be over next week) is that there is no one to celebrate with me. My kids will be around, and are old enough to get it (teenagers) but it just doesn't feel the same. My ex was pretty good at showering me with celebratory gifts/dinner etc at moments like these, and now it just feels empty. I do have friends who care, and a BPD mother who is happy for me (but not mobile to come and celebrate, and I can only handle 15 minutes of her at a time anyways). What do people who are not in relationship think when going through celebrations? (instead of "woe is me, I am alone and have no one to celebrate with" I was thinking of throwing myself a party or celebration the weekend after my exam, but now I'm wondering if that's just a bit too brazen. On second thought, I could make it a party to celebrate all my friends that helped support me through this degree, as well as me for finishing. H4E Title: Re: How to reframe negative "alone" thinking? Post by: VeryFree on May 28, 2013, 09:20:21 AM I think the most simple solution is to reframe the idea of celebrating.
Celebrating shouldn't necessarely be about big parties, fireworks and drinks. Celebrations can be about feeling good about ourselves and our results. In other words: do something that you like and do that to celebrate (go to a movie, visit the zoo, walking on the beach, buy a dog, become member of a sportsclub and so on). All these aren't things you only can do when in a r/s. You can do them with others too: a friend/friends, a collegue. Just have fun! Title: Re: How to reframe negative "alone" thinking? Post by: mango_flower on May 28, 2013, 11:49:18 AM I've always BEEN a singleton until I met her. I think that makes it harder, as I finally felt I'd "made it" in life, just to have it taken away.
Anyway - some ways to reframe it are: You can enjoy celebrations with family and friends and not constantly have to check he/she is ok and having a good time, or being triggered, or inappropriate etc. You can leave celebrations with friends when YOU want to, and not have to consider another person. You don't have to worry that you getting all the attention on your special days will set them off. But yeah... . I know it's not the same. x |