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I just read something on FB that validates that he got engaged recently but not a month ago.

I do not know what i am feeling, dumbstruck, pain, agony... . mixture of all? I just wanted to run far away to a place where i do not have deal with all this for some months... .

'He wins! Congratulations, you hit the jackpot almost immediately. Why are you hiding it - change your FB relationship status, your profile pic, tell the world who it is? Go on you coward - take a pride ride!'

When i called him exactly 3 months ago - he told me "i am unofficially engaged, our families met and its decided", and when i politely asked when is his marrying anf if i can know who it is, his reply "Why so you can come and ruin my marriage, and its my personal life i do not want to reveal her identity"

Wow, now i am a rogue - the bad person? Anyway i am history now like he told me.

You Win, you are the smart one - you had the last laugh!

pwBPD/NPD always get what they want don't they. They wanted us (non) they got us, they dint want us, they left us or pushed us to leave them. They wanted someone new - they get that too.

What do we gain - pain, misery from the abandonment? Continue hoping someday, just may be we will find a person who will love us, care for us and treat us rightly, and happy endings?

I feel no better, it might be my anger and pain talking but if we 'won' getting rid of pw personality disorders - why am i not feeling relieved? Why am i fighting the feeling of loss?

It's very painful to have someone you cared about turn on you like you are not a good person.  It's hard to compare that pain to anything else.  The betrayal.  The stab in the back.  Your heart being stomped by this uncaring creton.  Ok, maybe creton is a bit extreme.  These folks mess with our feelings and then tra la la along without a care.  You know he will being doing the same things to his new partner. 

Where you are better off, is being able to express the hurt, to feel the pain, and to work through it.  You are going to get past this and feel better again.  He is trapped in the cycle of idealize then devalue.  He can't move on, he can't deal with his feelings, he is trapped in the world of being emotionally three years old.  You, my friend, can leave this cycle and work on never letting it happen again with another person.  When you are in a better frame of mind, it is very likely you'll meet someone truly nice and worthy of your love.

Rose Tiger is very wise.  :)

Mine forced me to leave, to save my life, figuratively for sure, quite possibly physically.  And he's found someone who seems pretty cool actually.  So much like me--I can see both her intelligence and appeal and also the lack of self esteem.  (I've stopped stalking her FB, though, LOL!)

He's not changed.  When we must interact, it's still the same.  He is treating her better than he did me initially, but that may simply be a different tactic.  He WILL dysregulate.  He WILL rage and manipulate her and scream at her.  He WILL break things.  He WILL cheat on her, to some degree or other.  It might take longer, as they are not living together, but it will happen.  And if she's smart, she'll leave--but it's not my problem.

It took me a long, long time to rediscover myself.  To not have nightmares.  To not miss him so badly.  I began to realize it wasn't HIM I missed, but the feeling he gave me, and I am learning that if you seek that feeling outside of yourself--that completely safe, strong place where you are valued and respected--you always run the risk of losing it.  If you can learn to give it to yourself, you will never, ever be alone, never be abandoned.  You can't leave you.  I'm working on that, but whenever I miss him, I remind myself of the constant "fight or flight" mode I was in--living in anticipation every second of "will this trigger him?"  and the awful repercussions.

I'm only at the beginning of my journey, and I wish I had left him long ago.  I'm turning 50 this year--hard for women to get back into the dating pool.  But I'm not even interested in that now, because I want to start when I feel sure that I'm emotionally strong enough to be able to open fully and be OK with having it go away if it must.  And once I get there--it's going to be great.

You will get there too.  And you will really WIN.  Whereas he never will unless he makes some enormous changes that he will, sadly, likely never have the courage to face.